[ the mention of the scar brings something to his eyes, something that looks like shock. he looks down and pulls up the hem of the jacket to reveal the old scar, knowing exactly where it is to see it healed, neat rows of stitches crawling along the shiny scar tissue. an image surfaces and he remembers the gash, remembers blood covering his side, telling Jason to just tape it up until they got somewhere safe, the whole thing blurry and desperate and so painful.
he looks up at Jason then, letting the jacket fall back into place. he wonders what other scars heāll discover and what stories heāll be missing. ]
I mustāve started trusting you again then. Is that when we started talking again? [ because Jason left him for dead at one point but then saved him.
then, seeing Jason smile like that does something to him. he smiles wider himself, unable to help but feel like his heart skips a beat. ]
Is that how good you are now? Thatās all you need to take me down in two seconds flat? [ thereās a kind of pride in his voice, mixed in with the teasing. ] Iād hope to last at least five.
[ A lot has happened between them. A whole damn lot. He understands why Dick would be confused or unsure about it all- especially on where they stood. Hopefully it's clearer now, just a little bit, but he's sure it's still real strange. ]
Yeah- that one. I did good, huh?
[He can see the shock, but then also the recognition on Dick's face. Little things, even if not completely pleasant to remember, are good.]
It's when we started talking again for real, yeah. We were trying.
[Dick even gets a small laugh, Jason shaking his head a little at that.]
Oh, I'm real good now. You're lucky I'm taking a break.
[ heās playing catch up, and all in all, heād say heās doing pretty well so far by taking things in stride. heās still eager to get back to his records, but spending time here with Jason has taken his mind mostly off it.
itās nice just to sit here and talk. he hasnāt ever imagined they could talk in this way. ]
I mean, Iām alive, so Iād say thatās pretty good.
[ trying, meaning they both found ways to forgive each other and meet on common ground. that makes his smile soften. ]
Good. [ he takes a couple more bites of food with a raise of a brow. ]
What kind of break? [ a beat. ] Does this have to do with the street drugs?
Edited (IT LOST HALF MY TAG) 2024-04-02 01:35 (UTC)
[ Jason thinks Dick is doing pretty well, too. It's good they're talking like this though. Maybe it'll be easier for his brain to remember these memories if they talk about it while the injuries are still fresh.
He knows he's just making that up in his head, but he's trying to think positive. Has to count for something, right? ]
Alive, and it's a very neat stitch.
[Trying to keep it a little light. And yeah, they were definitely trying back then too. Trying to forgive each other, to talk, to find some way to work through their pain. An understanding.]
I was real grateful for it, believe me.
[And grateful for it now too, seeing that smile. Knowing that they had a good thing going. They can get back to it. He knows they can.]
Uh- yeah. That whole thing... it happened after we had already decided to be together. I mean, if we're trying to chronologically order everything. But yeah. I got doused. It was pretty bad. Got to me in a way Crane's drug did. I was fucked up and pretty scared.
[ thinking positively counts for a lot in Dick's book, especially when it's often the only thing they can hang onto to keep from drowning. he huffs a quiet laugh. ]
Mhmm. [ it's a neat stitch, and he's looking forward to standing in front of a mirror so he can run his finger along it. ]
I would've been grateful for it too. Still am, even if I don't remember it. [ because just sitting here, having a conversation with Jason where it feels like they're on the same page feels like a dream. a good one.
but his eyes narrow with the mention of the drug, the previous warm smile fading to concern. chronologically ordering things feels important at the moment, so he appreciates that detail. ]
Yeah, considering what happened last time you were on Crane's drug, that makes a lot of sense. How's it all going now? What was the action plan once I brought you here?
[ Jason would love to run his fingers back over that scar again too, just like his lips did, the last time they were together. It's still so vivid in his memories. He wishes he could transfer some of that over to Dick.
They had a good thing going, even with all the ups and downs. Jason found strength in what they had, and he hopes Dick can find that too- even if he doesn't remember it. ]
The action plan was... figuring myself out. Therapy. Talking to Leslie Thompkins about all the shit in my head and just- being here, I guess. Away from it all. Regrouping, I guess.
[ he nods slowly, gingerly crossing his arms over his chest as he takes that in. Leslie Thompkins, the therapy, getting away from it, regrouping... ]
Those are drastic changes. [ so it was bad, then, if that's the plan they came up with. ] But they make sense, if the hope is to build up a baseline to be steady on when shit goes down. Has Leslie been helping?
They were drastic, yeah, but... I as willing to give it a shot.
[Even when it was hard to step away, he was able to. With Dick's help and Leslie's help, he's figuring his head out.]
She's been making me talk a whole lot, and I've been trying to listen. Talking about my past shit doesn't feel like it's helping, but- I know it is. I've got a fuckton of garbage pent up inside of me.
[ Jason was willing to step away from Gotham and Red Hood to be here in San Francisco, because of him. ]
That's not easy, Jason. Good for you. [ he says, sincerely, as he turns his arm under Jason's hand to grip his hand instead. ] It's good to know you've got Leslie, too. You should tell her about this, you know.
[Jason smiles warmly, fingers curling around Dick's hand when he turns it that way. He feels that strength building up inside of himself once again. He knows he could have found it on his own, but Dick's words always help boost it just a little extra.]
[ Dick nods to the word of appreciation with a small smile pulling at a corner of his mouth. ]
It sounds like you've done a lot of work, Jason, and the last thing I want is for this to get in the way of all that. [ he squeezes Jason's hand. ] She's good at keeping people accountable, and we all need that help sometimes, hm?
[He squeezes his hand back, trying to sound reassuring. In fact, it's actually be very distracting from his own issues, and Jason's much better at dealing with things in that way. Ignoring them, he can already hear Leslie saying to him, though.]
Good. [ does he believe Jason? hard to say, but it doesn't really matter if he does. what matters is what Jason does from here on out, but at least a verbal agreement is better than a no.
he takes a breath and smiles. ]
Thanks for breakfast. I'm gonna grab a shower, change, and get going, alright?
[ He'll try. That's all he can really do. When Dick is out of here he's not so sure how he's gonna feel about himself, or all of this, but that's a different story. ]
Glad you liked it.
[Man, this is the hard part.]
Yeah, okay. I'll grab your change of clothes for you.
[ this is the hard part, and Dick is determined to get through it without making it harder for Jason. ]
Okay, thanks. I'll just clean this up. [ a last squeeze of Jason's hand before he pulls away and pushes up to stand, managing to keep most of the wince off his face. he reaches to grab their plates in one hand, cutlery in the other to head back to the kitchen and slowly place it all in the dishwasher.
shortly after, Jason will hear the shower run, for a little longer than Dick usually takes his showers, not only because he's injured and slow, but because this is his first time being truly alone since he woke up, and he's still reeling from everything that's happened. everything hurts, from his body to his heart. once the shower is shut off, he stares at himself in the mirror for a long time, running his finger along the scar Jason sewed up, and turning around to see all the ones he didn't recognize.
seeing himself without recognizing so much is a strange feeling, but now is not the time or place to untangle all that. so instead, he after struggling with towelling dry his hair, he emerges with a towel around his waist to find Jason. ]
[ It's the first time since Dick's accident that Jason is really alone with his thought too, and it's weighing heavily on him.
He cleans the kitchen, trying not to think about any of it at all, but Jason' always been an over thinker, especially when it comes to his emotions. The crazy part is, he doesn't even know what to think. It's too soon to tell about anything, and that alone feels like it's gonna drive him insane, but- he has to get his shit together. For Dick.
By the time Dick gets out, Jason is in the bedroom, pulling out some clothes. There's a hoodie that he shoves to the back of his closet. He's keeping it- same way as Dick stole his knife. He realizes then that he can't even joke about it with Dick, cause he won't remember.
There's a clean set of everything in his hands as Dick enters the bedroom, and Jason only hesitates for a moment as his gaze slides down Dick's body, before he quickly holds the clothes out. ]
[ he catches the way Jasonās gaze flits down his body, though he doesnāt think twice about it. instead, he just reaches out and takes the stack of clothes. ]
Sounds like something Iād do. Thanks. [ a small smile as he disappears into the bathroom again and gets changed, emerging with just his dirty clothes this time, though he shrugs the jacket on again.
in the living room, he finds the bag Jason brought back from the hospital and puts the clothes inside, slinging it over his good shoulder. then, he steps into the bedroom again, lingering in the doorway. ]
[Jason just kinda stands there, leaning against the wall. There are so many things he still wants to say, but he can't.
They've done this before. Dick has gone back and he's done his own thing and it's been perfectly alright. This time is different though. Dick is leaving without his memories.]
Yeah... yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Just-- keep in touch, alright?
[Don't forget about me, he almost says, but catches himself. That would be too cruel to both of them.]
[ itās not entirely convincing, but Dick thinks thatās where they have to leave it for today. ]
Alright. [ he tries for a reassuring smile. ]
You too. [ heās just across the street anyway, but he feels the ache inside him just the same, like muscle memory, like leaving Jason feels like this.
but it has to be done. he steps away from the bedroom door then out the apartment, habitually arming the system on his way out. ]
[ It's as convincing as he can get, and he's trying really hard for it.
He offers that small, reassuring smile as well, but everything inside of him wants to run and wrap his arms so tight around Dick and kiss him with everything he's got.
He doesn't, though. He stays put. ]
See ya.
[He manages, and then when Dick is out the door...]
I love you.
[He presses his palms into his eyes and breathes, then goes to start the dishwasher and figure out how he can go about the rest of his day without texting Dick every five minutes.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Knife wound?
[ the mention of the scar brings something to his eyes, something that looks like shock. he looks down and pulls up the hem of the jacket to reveal the old scar, knowing exactly where it is to see it healed, neat rows of stitches crawling along the shiny scar tissue. an image surfaces and he remembers the gash, remembers blood covering his side, telling Jason to just tape it up until they got somewhere safe, the whole thing blurry and desperate and so painful.
he looks up at Jason then, letting the jacket fall back into place. he wonders what other scars heāll discover and what stories heāll be missing. ]
I mustāve started trusting you again then. Is that when we started talking again? [ because Jason left him for dead at one point but then saved him.
then, seeing Jason smile like that does something to him. he smiles wider himself, unable to help but feel like his heart skips a beat. ]
Is that how good you are now? Thatās all you need to take me down in two seconds flat? [ thereās a kind of pride in his voice, mixed in with the teasing. ] Iād hope to last at least five.
no subject
Yeah- that one. I did good, huh?
[He can see the shock, but then also the recognition on Dick's face. Little things, even if not completely pleasant to remember, are good.]
It's when we started talking again for real, yeah. We were trying.
[Dick even gets a small laugh, Jason shaking his head a little at that.]
Oh, I'm real good now. You're lucky I'm taking a break.
no subject
itās nice just to sit here and talk. he hasnāt ever imagined they could talk in this way. ]
I mean, Iām alive, so Iād say thatās pretty good.
[ trying, meaning they both found ways to forgive each other and meet on common ground. that makes his smile soften. ]
Good. [ he takes a couple more bites of food with a raise of a brow. ]
What kind of break? [ a beat. ] Does this have to do with the street drugs?
no subject
He knows he's just making that up in his head, but he's trying to think positive. Has to count for something, right? ]
Alive, and it's a very neat stitch.
[Trying to keep it a little light. And yeah, they were definitely trying back then too. Trying to forgive each other, to talk, to find some way to work through their pain. An understanding.]
I was real grateful for it, believe me.
[And grateful for it now too, seeing that smile. Knowing that they had a good thing going. They can get back to it. He knows they can.]
Uh- yeah. That whole thing... it happened after we had already decided to be together. I mean, if we're trying to chronologically order everything. But yeah. I got doused. It was pretty bad. Got to me in a way Crane's drug did. I was fucked up and pretty scared.
no subject
Mhmm. [ it's a neat stitch, and he's looking forward to standing in front of a mirror so he can run his finger along it. ]
I would've been grateful for it too. Still am, even if I don't remember it. [ because just sitting here, having a conversation with Jason where it feels like they're on the same page feels like a dream. a good one.
but his eyes narrow with the mention of the drug, the previous warm smile fading to concern. chronologically ordering things feels important at the moment, so he appreciates that detail. ]
Yeah, considering what happened last time you were on Crane's drug, that makes a lot of sense. How's it all going now? What was the action plan once I brought you here?
no subject
They had a good thing going, even with all the ups and downs. Jason found strength in what they had, and he hopes Dick can find that too- even if he doesn't remember it. ]
The action plan was... figuring myself out. Therapy. Talking to Leslie Thompkins about all the shit in my head and just- being here, I guess. Away from it all. Regrouping, I guess.
no subject
Those are drastic changes. [ so it was bad, then, if that's the plan they came up with. ] But they make sense, if the hope is to build up a baseline to be steady on when shit goes down. Has Leslie been helping?
no subject
[Even when it was hard to step away, he was able to. With Dick's help and Leslie's help, he's figuring his head out.]
She's been making me talk a whole lot, and I've been trying to listen. Talking about my past shit doesn't feel like it's helping, but- I know it is. I've got a fuckton of garbage pent up inside of me.
no subject
That's not easy, Jason. Good for you. [ he says, sincerely, as he turns his arm under Jason's hand to grip his hand instead. ] It's good to know you've got Leslie, too. You should tell her about this, you know.
no subject
[Jason smiles warmly, fingers curling around Dick's hand when he turns it that way. He feels that strength building up inside of himself once again. He knows he could have found it on his own, but Dick's words always help boost it just a little extra.]
I dunno. Maybe. You're probably right.
no subject
It sounds like you've done a lot of work, Jason, and the last thing I want is for this to get in the way of all that. [ he squeezes Jason's hand. ] She's good at keeping people accountable, and we all need that help sometimes, hm?
no subject
[He squeezes his hand back, trying to sound reassuring. In fact, it's actually be very distracting from his own issues, and Jason's much better at dealing with things in that way. Ignoring them, he can already hear Leslie saying to him, though.]
I'll keep her in the loop.
no subject
he takes a breath and smiles. ]
Thanks for breakfast. I'm gonna grab a shower, change, and get going, alright?
no subject
Glad you liked it.
[Man, this is the hard part.]
Yeah, okay. I'll grab your change of clothes for you.
ok lmk if this is a good amount of ff!
Okay, thanks. I'll just clean this up. [ a last squeeze of Jason's hand before he pulls away and pushes up to stand, managing to keep most of the wince off his face. he reaches to grab their plates in one hand, cutlery in the other to head back to the kitchen and slowly place it all in the dishwasher.
shortly after, Jason will hear the shower run, for a little longer than Dick usually takes his showers, not only because he's injured and slow, but because this is his first time being truly alone since he woke up, and he's still reeling from everything that's happened. everything hurts, from his body to his heart. once the shower is shut off, he stares at himself in the mirror for a long time, running his finger along the scar Jason sewed up, and turning around to see all the ones he didn't recognize.
seeing himself without recognizing so much is a strange feeling, but now is not the time or place to untangle all that. so instead, he after struggling with towelling dry his hair, he emerges with a towel around his waist to find Jason. ]
yeah it's good!
He cleans the kitchen, trying not to think about any of it at all, but Jason' always been an over thinker, especially when it comes to his emotions. The crazy part is, he doesn't even know what to think. It's too soon to tell about anything, and that alone feels like it's gonna drive him insane, but- he has to get his shit together. For Dick.
By the time Dick gets out, Jason is in the bedroom, pulling out some clothes. There's a hoodie that he shoves to the back of his closet. He's keeping it- same way as Dick stole his knife. He realizes then that he can't even joke about it with Dick, cause he won't remember.
There's a clean set of everything in his hands as Dick enters the bedroom, and Jason only hesitates for a moment as his gaze slides down Dick's body, before he quickly holds the clothes out. ]
Here. You even left socks behind, just in case.
no subject
Sounds like something Iād do. Thanks. [ a small smile as he disappears into the bathroom again and gets changed, emerging with just his dirty clothes this time, though he shrugs the jacket on again.
in the living room, he finds the bag Jason brought back from the hospital and puts the clothes inside, slinging it over his good shoulder. then, he steps into the bedroom again, lingering in the doorway. ]
You gonna be alright, Jason?
no subject
They've done this before. Dick has gone back and he's done his own thing and it's been perfectly alright. This time is different though. Dick is leaving without his memories.]
Yeah... yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Just-- keep in touch, alright?
[Don't forget about me, he almost says, but catches himself. That would be too cruel to both of them.]
Text me whenever.
Shall we wrap?! :)))
Alright. [ he tries for a reassuring smile. ]
You too. [ heās just across the street anyway, but he feels the ache inside him just the same, like muscle memory, like leaving Jason feels like this.
but it has to be done. he steps away from the bedroom door then out the apartment, habitually arming the system on his way out. ]
yeah ;____;
He offers that small, reassuring smile as well, but everything inside of him wants to run and wrap his arms so tight around Dick and kiss him with everything he's got.
He doesn't, though. He stays put. ]
See ya.
[He manages, and then when Dick is out the door...]
I love you.
[He presses his palms into his eyes and breathes, then goes to start the dishwasher and figure out how he can go about the rest of his day without texting Dick every five minutes.]