[ the truth is, he said it without giving it a whole lot of thought, about what it might mean, or where it might lead. he meant it first and foremost in the moment, as a lighthearted way to express how much he enjoyed what they just did, but the vulnerability rings loud and clear in Tim's soft voice, and it gives him pause.
is this the best time to talk about it? with their post-coital brains still hopped up on all sorts of endorphins? when all that he wants to do is sink into Tim, melt into the bed together, and do this on rinse and repeat?
he lets out a slow sigh. nothing troubled, but rather, calming. ]
We should talk about that...shouldn't we? We both said things. A lot of things.
[ Immediately Tim thinks that he must have gotten it wrong, and he sinks his teeth into his tongue. Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough that the pain grounds him somewhat. He'd been too sincere and managed to immediately ruin the moment, which had been the opposite of what he was going for.
Any inner turmoil is kept strictly on the inside, it doesn't show on his face and his muscles don't tense. He's been trained extensively on schooling his expression, and he excelled at it even before that. It's just his stomach twists at having to use the mask with Dick of all people, arguably the person that knows him best. ]
We don't have to, if you don't want to. I'm not going anywhere.
[ Tim keeps his pretty blues on Dick's face, trying to read what he can see there. Not much, unfortunately. Part of him wants to run off before an awkward uncomfortable conversation can sprout. But he can't really go anywhere. This is his bed, his Nest, that he invited Dick into. Maybe it's for the best, he's got to grow up and face things eventually. ]
[ it's not so much that Tim gives anything away on his face, but that he gives nothing away at all that sends something unpleasant sinking in his gut. Dick props himself up on an elbow, slowly tips his head and keeps his gaze steadily meeting Tim's eyes. he lets Tim look at him, lets Tim observe him, obviously trying to get a read on him.
he draws his hand away from Tim's and instead, lets his fingers cup Tim's cheek, taking a beat to brush the pad of his thumb along the fading colour affectionately. finally, a small smile softens the line of his mouth. ]
I wish you would tell me what you're thinking, sometimes. There's so much going on in that head of yours.
It might be better if you don't know what's going on in there. What if you don't like it?
[ Even though he's aiming for playful, his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, so who knows if he pulls it off. Tim can't help but press into Dick's touch, encouraging more of the easy affection that brings comfort. Finally, he sighs a little and sinks into the bed. Shrinks into it, almost. ]
That was amazing, I don't want to screw up and ruin everything. But if there's something you want to know, you can ask.
[ There, see. That was vulnerable. He's at least trying, which is more effort than he usually gives. Tim trusts Dick not to laugh at him, and if he's going to let him down it's going to be gently. Tim turns his head and gives Dick's palm a little kiss. ]
[ the playful sentiment feels pulled tight. Dick can practically feel the tension rolling off of the set in Tim's shoulders as he huffs and sinks back into the mattress. itās almost retreat, and Dick regrets saying anything at all for a moment as he lifts a little higher to take back whatever distance gets put between them. ]
Okay.
[ he pauses, taking in the way it feels a little reluctant, a little scared. itās the last thing he wants from Tim, and the opposite of what heās trying to express, not that itās surprising to see Tim shy away from talking about anything of this nature. however, heās not one to pry when thereās obvious discomfort from Tim. ]
Maybe I'll start, thenā¦and you tell me if you donāt like it.
[ he shifts his hand and traces Timās lower lip with his thumb as he mulls over his words in a slow, luxurious sort of pace, a moment just for themselves. ]
I havenāt been with anyone in a while. I haven't even kissed anyone besides you in a long time. [ he smiles down at Tim, warm, perhaps sappy again, but it's clear enough that he's not completely at ease either, finding these unfamiliar words. ] So I'm not going anywhere either, Tim. You know I don't normally do this...slowly...but you're one of the most important people in my life. I didn't want to rush into anything that'll fuck things up between us but it hasn't been just physical for a while now.
[ It's lucky that Dick understands him the way he does. Forcing things out of Tim is possible, but rarely goes well. Dick offers to speak instead and this time, the smile that this at the corners of his mouth are entirely genuine. It's as obvious of a sign of their connection as there is. Dick taking the first step, knowing that Tim will follow.
And then Dick actually speaks and Tim feels the flush returning to his face. It's a thrill, knowing someone as popular as Dick hasn't actually been spending his time with anyone else despite them having not talked about it yet. ]
I haven't either. Been with anyone else while we've been doing this, I mean.
[ It's still not the most comfortable thing, but there's more of a lightness to his voice. More importantly, he's not masking anything now that he feels safer. ]
I've... had feelings for you for a long time, Dick. But I don't want to ask too much of you.
[ that genuine, loving smile warms him on the inside, the way that it always has when he gets a glimpse of it. he's always felt that Tim turns it toward him more than anyone else, and he cherishes that fact close to his heart.
he wasn't lying when he said he'd do anything for Tim. if it means being vulnerable first, and expressing his own thoughts so Tim can feel safe to do the same in return, he'll do it.
his thumb skims gently over that pinkening cheek again, admiring that lovely colour. the movement pauses as Tim speaks.
and it makes smile in return, adoration filling his warm brow eyes. ]
[ Tim's eyes seem distant for a moment as he calculates. Dick cares about him a lot, has from pretty much the moment that he accepted him as Robin, even if it wasn't romantic back then. But it's still a risk, to be vulnerable. One he's always shied away from. His own parents (the only people who should have been obligated) didn't find him worth loving. Bruce lost his mind and his capacity for love with Jason. None of the people he's dated have ever loved him, whether because he was unworthy or didn't allow it.
And neither himself nor Dick has been the most relationshippy of people. So he's not picking the safest option. ]
I want to be your boyfriend.
[ But he is picking the option that he wants the most.
Despite it being downright terrifying that Dick could hurt him in a way no one else had the power to. Despite the voice in the back of his head screaming he should run. He's Tim Drake. Former Robin. Current Red Robin. He just clenches his jaw and jumps, looking all determined just like on his first night in the suit. ]
But if that's not what you want, it's okay, Dick. I want you to be honest with me. Always.
[ Dick will have endless patience when it comes to Tim, as he hopes is obvious by now, not just through the years theyāve trained and fought by each othersā side, but from what they just did. itās still true now, as he watches Tim thinking through his answer.
itās not an easy question to answer. none of them are good at sharing their vulnerabilities, much less talking about what theyāre scared of. more than Dick, Tim has always done things to prove he was enough, and all that time spent with Bruce didnāt help at all.
however, nothing could have prepared him for the boldness in Timās words next. his eyes widen ever so slightly, the surprise lifting his brows a little as determination sets hard and square on Timās face.
he doesnāt answer right away, and Tim elaborates. ]
I. Thatās-- [ not what he expected. thatās totally what he wants too. thatās a surprise because itās too soon, even though truly, he wants to be with Tim. however, hearing those words uttered from Timās mouth, without him pushing for it, slots right into a void that had been missing for him this whole time. Tim had always been so guarded with what he feels, that even if Dick had a pretty good idea and was happy to volunteer his own thoughts first, the shadow of doubt had still casted strong over that void. but now, Tim is saying this first, and the bravery in that action means more than anything else. ]
Tim, you know Iām shit at relationships butā¦ [ he trails off, a genuine smile melting the corners of his mouth as he presses down against Tim and wraps him up in a tight embrace. he shuts his eyes and kisses Tim, his smile pressing against those lips heās quickly become addicted to. he pulls away just enough to speak. ] If you'll take me like this, then I want you too. I want you to be my boyfriend.
[ Butterflies swarm in Tim's belly, warmth filling every inch of his body. He kisses Dick back eagerly, maybe a little desperate because-- fuck, he hoped he wouldn't be rejected, but he would have been okay. Having Dick say yes is maybe the best feeling he's ever had, and all he can do is grin like an idiot when Dick speaks again. His head tilts like a puppy as he gazes up at him. Does Dick not know how much he admires him? ]
Of course I'll take you like this. I wouldn't change anything about you, Dick. My feelings are because of who you are right now, not who I hope you're going to be.
[ Tim wouldn't have adored him any less if he'd said no. He'd have curbed his romantic feelings, obviously, but Dick would always just be incredible to him.
Another stolen little kiss, breathless but happy. He feels like he could actually giggle. Dick being a sap is rubbing off on him. Tim clings, eyes practically sparkling. He can't help but look like a fool. ]
[ a warm grin spreads across Dickās mouth, barely even able to be contained even when Tim kisses him again. Dick presses even closer, shifting so heās on top of Tim again, his elbows bracing against the mattress as their legs tangle together. he doesnāt know what heās done to deserve it, but hearing those words from Tim fills him in a way heās always yearned for.
someone who accepts him wholly how he is. as imperfect as he is. as fucked up as he isā¦ and the look in Timās eyes, so happy and adoring. he steals another kiss, deeper this time, before he sneaks a leg between Timās.
good thing they havenāt showered yet. ]
Yeah, okay. Good plan.
[ the words are spoken murmured into Timās lips, lower in his tone with a promise laced in his voice. theyāll just stay here forever, because forever is how long itāll take him to kiss every inch of Tim Drake, to commit every dip and plane of muscle to his memory, to finish tasting every single ounce of his new boyfriend. ]
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no subject
is this the best time to talk about it? with their post-coital brains still hopped up on all sorts of endorphins? when all that he wants to do is sink into Tim, melt into the bed together, and do this on rinse and repeat?
he lets out a slow sigh. nothing troubled, but rather, calming. ]
We should talk about that...shouldn't we? We both said things. A lot of things.
no subject
Any inner turmoil is kept strictly on the inside, it doesn't show on his face and his muscles don't tense. He's been trained extensively on schooling his expression, and he excelled at it even before that. It's just his stomach twists at having to use the mask with Dick of all people, arguably the person that knows him best. ]
We don't have to, if you don't want to. I'm not going anywhere.
[ Tim keeps his pretty blues on Dick's face, trying to read what he can see there. Not much, unfortunately. Part of him wants to run off before an awkward uncomfortable conversation can sprout. But he can't really go anywhere. This is his bed, his Nest, that he invited Dick into. Maybe it's for the best, he's got to grow up and face things eventually. ]
no subject
he draws his hand away from Tim's and instead, lets his fingers cup Tim's cheek, taking a beat to brush the pad of his thumb along the fading colour affectionately. finally, a small smile softens the line of his mouth. ]
I wish you would tell me what you're thinking, sometimes. There's so much going on in that head of yours.
no subject
[ Even though he's aiming for playful, his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, so who knows if he pulls it off. Tim can't help but press into Dick's touch, encouraging more of the easy affection that brings comfort. Finally, he sighs a little and sinks into the bed. Shrinks into it, almost. ]
That was amazing, I don't want to screw up and ruin everything. But if there's something you want to know, you can ask.
[ There, see. That was vulnerable. He's at least trying, which is more effort than he usually gives. Tim trusts Dick not to laugh at him, and if he's going to let him down it's going to be gently. Tim turns his head and gives Dick's palm a little kiss. ]
no subject
Okay.
[ he pauses, taking in the way it feels a little reluctant, a little scared. itās the last thing he wants from Tim, and the opposite of what heās trying to express, not that itās surprising to see Tim shy away from talking about anything of this nature. however, heās not one to pry when thereās obvious discomfort from Tim. ]
Maybe I'll start, thenā¦and you tell me if you donāt like it.
[ he shifts his hand and traces Timās lower lip with his thumb as he mulls over his words in a slow, luxurious sort of pace, a moment just for themselves. ]
I havenāt been with anyone in a while. I haven't even kissed anyone besides you in a long time. [ he smiles down at Tim, warm, perhaps sappy again, but it's clear enough that he's not completely at ease either, finding these unfamiliar words. ] So I'm not going anywhere either, Tim. You know I don't normally do this...slowly...but you're one of the most important people in my life. I didn't want to rush into anything that'll fuck things up between us but it hasn't been just physical for a while now.
no subject
And then Dick actually speaks and Tim feels the flush returning to his face. It's a thrill, knowing someone as popular as Dick hasn't actually been spending his time with anyone else despite them having not talked about it yet. ]
I haven't either. Been with anyone else while we've been doing this, I mean.
[ It's still not the most comfortable thing, but there's more of a lightness to his voice. More importantly, he's not masking anything now that he feels safer. ]
I've... had feelings for you for a long time, Dick. But I don't want to ask too much of you.
no subject
he wasn't lying when he said he'd do anything for Tim. if it means being vulnerable first, and expressing his own thoughts so Tim can feel safe to do the same in return, he'll do it.
his thumb skims gently over that pinkening cheek again, admiring that lovely colour. the movement pauses as Tim speaks.
and it makes smile in return, adoration filling his warm brow eyes. ]
What are you scared of that I'd find too much?
no subject
And neither himself nor Dick has been the most relationshippy of people. So he's not picking the safest option. ]
I want to be your boyfriend.
[ But he is picking the option that he wants the most.
Despite it being downright terrifying that Dick could hurt him in a way no one else had the power to. Despite the voice in the back of his head screaming he should run. He's Tim Drake. Former Robin. Current Red Robin. He just clenches his jaw and jumps, looking all determined just like on his first night in the suit. ]
But if that's not what you want, it's okay, Dick. I want you to be honest with me. Always.
no subject
itās not an easy question to answer. none of them are good at sharing their vulnerabilities, much less talking about what theyāre scared of. more than Dick, Tim has always done things to prove he was enough, and all that time spent with Bruce didnāt help at all.
however, nothing could have prepared him for the boldness in Timās words next. his eyes widen ever so slightly, the surprise lifting his brows a little as determination sets hard and square on Timās face.
he doesnāt answer right away, and Tim elaborates. ]
I. Thatās-- [ not what he expected. thatās totally what he wants too. thatās a surprise because itās too soon, even though truly, he wants to be with Tim. however, hearing those words uttered from Timās mouth, without him pushing for it, slots right into a void that had been missing for him this whole time. Tim had always been so guarded with what he feels, that even if Dick had a pretty good idea and was happy to volunteer his own thoughts first, the shadow of doubt had still casted strong over that void. but now, Tim is saying this first, and the bravery in that action means more than anything else. ]
Tim, you know Iām shit at relationships butā¦ [ he trails off, a genuine smile melting the corners of his mouth as he presses down against Tim and wraps him up in a tight embrace. he shuts his eyes and kisses Tim, his smile pressing against those lips heās quickly become addicted to. he pulls away just enough to speak. ] If you'll take me like this, then I want you too. I want you to be my boyfriend.
no subject
Of course I'll take you like this. I wouldn't change anything about you, Dick. My feelings are because of who you are right now, not who I hope you're going to be.
[ Tim wouldn't have adored him any less if he'd said no. He'd have curbed his romantic feelings, obviously, but Dick would always just be incredible to him.
Another stolen little kiss, breathless but happy. He feels like he could actually giggle. Dick being a sap is rubbing off on him. Tim clings, eyes practically sparkling. He can't help but look like a fool. ]
Then we should just stay here forever.
š
someone who accepts him wholly how he is. as imperfect as he is. as fucked up as he isā¦ and the look in Timās eyes, so happy and adoring. he steals another kiss, deeper this time, before he sneaks a leg between Timās.
good thing they havenāt showered yet. ]
Yeah, okay. Good plan.
[ the words are spoken murmured into Timās lips, lower in his tone with a promise laced in his voice. theyāll just stay here forever, because forever is how long itāll take him to kiss every inch of Tim Drake, to commit every dip and plane of muscle to his memory, to finish tasting every single ounce of his new boyfriend. ]