[The sigh is loud enough to be heard even from across the room and up in the rafters where Jason is, purposely loud and dramatic as it is.
Fine then. Jason comes down by jumping from rafter to rafter at breakneck speed and landing in front of Dick. He might not be as much of an acrobat as Dick, but Jason's still pretty agile. Which is good, considering how easily he probably could kill himself doing that drunk.
He's in a hoodie and jeans and looks, as usual, somewhat belligerent.]
[ Like the little bird he is, perched up in the roof as if it would give him an edge, being too drunk to even spell properly. ]
Hi to you too. [ Long time, Jason, it's been a long time. A few beats stretch between them as Dick looks at Jason before dropping his gaze back down to the beer nursed in his hand beside his phone. ] I was wondering what you're doing back here.
[With both feet firmly on the ground, Jason sways a little and crosses his arms over his chest, eyeing Dick warily.
He was here because he didn't really have anywhere else to be, and Gotham was at least familiar, even if it was a shitty familiar. Dick didn't need to know that though.]
Why? You've got your team and fancy tower. Not your city anymore, but I'm not allowed in it anyway?
[ A sigh tips his chin back as he crosses his arms over his chest. Jason Todd, ever so eager to antagonize him. ]
You can be wherever you wanna be. Bruce told me you were back here.[ In other words, he wants to make sure Jason understands there's no tracking going on here. Not on his part.] We're your team, too. Your fancy tower.
[Antagonizing is way easier than anything else Jason's got in his arsenal. There's a good reason it's his go-to with Dick. Everything gets real complicated when you used to have a hero-worship crush on someone and now know way too much about exactly how hard you didn't measure up to them and how well they knew it. Being a little shit - way better.
He blows out a harsh sort of breathy laugh. Of course Bruce told him. Of course Bruce knew he was there and didn't bother to say jackshit to him himself. Jason didn't know what he expected. Or yeah, he did. That. He expected exactly that. Not a word and then Dick here to run Jason out of town, but only because Bruce knew Jason would leave once Dick came around, not because Dick would tell him to.]
Sure you are. Okay, so Bruce called you to play us both again. What'd you really come here to say to me?
[ If it's Bruce's plan to get them to reconcile, it's going horribly. He knows--he failed. Jason was his responsibility and Jason got away from him. His eyes harden as he shakes his head once, sharp, exhales through his nose. ]
Fine. I came here to see how you were doing. You didn't exactly leave on good terms.
[Maybe it's Jason's unending paranoid that's kicked up into high gear these days. But the idea that Bruce wants them to reconcile doesn't even occur to him. It made more sense to him that he'd tell Dick something like that, but know that one Jason knows Bruce and Dick know he's there, Jason would leave. So he saw it as a way to get him out of town. Not Dick's idea, hell not even his fault really. But how it was going to happen anyway.]
You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. Bruce'll find a new Robin, you'll have your team, and I'll get a new city. I'm not an oglib ... obliga ... you don't gotta check me off of a list you look after just because Bruce told you to. [Jason frowned, almost pouting as the tipsiness caught up to him enough to stumble on the word.]
[ As difficult as ever. Dick's head tilts off to the side as he looks away, a furrow of his brow and Jason's--Drunk. Drunk and difficult and he pushes off the bar stool to step towards him. ]
That's not how it works and you know it. [ A hand settles on Jason's shoulder. ] What's your plan, then. Move to a new city, then what? Back on the streets? [ A sigh with a shake of his head. ] Come on, you've had too much to drink. Let's get you home. [ His hand settles on Jason's shoulder. ]
[Predictably, Jason shrugs the hand off and tries to spin out of reach. He's a little too wobbly to manage well and teeters just slightly before catching himself, deflating from angry just a little.]
I don't have one of those, remember?
[He'd had a mansion and then the high tech team tower bullshit, and now back to square one. At least he had more skills to start off with this time.]
Dick frowns, brows drawing deep together as he looks at Jason, as his hand gets shrugged off and hovers in the air for a few seconds before dropping to near Jason's elbow. Just in case he stumbles. Jason doesn't want it, that's fine but the more important question lingers: ]
Then. Where are you staying? [ Don't say it. Don't say back to the old days, back to before Bruce, before the Titans, before him. ] You're not-- [ It'd hurt to hear, it'd be too much for Jason to say, he knows it, so he'll read in between the lines. ] Nevermind. I have an apartment here. You can come back with me, for the night or just stay there. It's fine.
[Jason shrugs, doesn't really answer. He doesn't have one other than "places". There's always empty apartments to crash at, or some rich asshole who's off at their summer home.
And if there's not, there's plenty of ways to find a bed for the night.] Not what? Begging for a room at the bathole? Nope.
[God, what the fuck was wrong with Dick? Why did he keep coming back? Driving Jason off and then coming back after him when Jason left. Jason might be poison, but at least he knew how to take a fucking hint from fate.]
Just stop, all right? Stop HELPING, stop trying to fix me or save me or make me better or whatever you're doing. I'm fucked up, and you can't FIX that, so just let me go fuck up on my own, all right?
[It hurt way less in the end, when he was just on his own instead of trying and getting close to people who turned on him because they didn't need him anymore, or because they realized he wasn't worth bothering with in the first place. Bruce, Dick, Rose - they on a list, they didn't make it up. Jason might feel dumb as shit some days, but he learned eventually.]
heh soz i was fucking with access / journal privacy things
[ Is Jason really yelling at him for trying to help? Seems like it, and Dick has the decency to look taken aback for a second as he frowns and tips his head to the side.
Not: on the streets again, are you? He doesnāt say, doesnāt want to say something that might come off as condescending. Heās not judging, heās concerned. Dick shakes his head.
Truthfully, he doesnāt want to talk about any of it. All he wants is to take Jason back and they can talk it out in the morning, when things are cooler between them. However, as always, Jason seems to just get up in his face about it.]
Youāre not fucked up, come on Jason. Iām not gonna leave you, just let me help, I can help. None of this is your fault. [ He reaches out again and sets a hand on Jasonās shoulder, gripping again if Jason will let him. ]
[I do that too! It's really easy to hit on accident on the mouseover dropdown.]
[Sometimes Jason really hated Dick for being so hard to hate. Even when he was an utter asshole, it was hard to hate Dick Greyson, somehow. It was worse when he wasn't being an asshole.
He snorts, because yeah, he's fucked up, they both know that. Pretty much anyone in this hero game is screwed up beyond reason. But Jason's pretty sure he's got the lowest return on investment of any of them. He half thinks that's what Bruce was going for, after Dick. Someone who wouldn't ever be TOO good a guy.]
You don't HAVE to help. You don't have to do anything for me. But fine. Whatever. I'll crash with you and go in the morning. [Jason was a dumbass, but he wouldn't have driven like this anyway, and he wasn't gonna leave his bike. He might hock it for a cheaper one later, but he wasn't going to leave it.
He did shrug off Dick's hand, but less vehemently this time, and just turned to go grab a duffel bag that he slung over his shoulder, managing not to actually spill his drink at the same time.]
[ Dick reaches for the drink and tugs it out of Jasonās hand, leaving it on the counter as he steps behind Jason. Follows, just to make sure Jason doesnāt drop off from behind him, as they weave their way out of the bar. He doesnāt try to put a hand on Jason again, having at least achieved one thing he wanted.
Surprise to no one, everything is a fight when it comes to Jason. ]
Get on, ride with me. [ A beat as he looks at Jason, brows knitting in concern. ] Think you can manage not falling off?
[Sometimes Jason doesn't want it to be a fight. A few times he'd even thought it didn't have to be. But usually those times came to bite him on the ass, so yeah. He was a combative shit and he knew it, and he expected it to run most people off. Dick just refused to be most people. It was annoying.
He follows Dick out and then snorts at the question.]
Only if you do.
[He climbs on behind Dick, wrapping his arms around the guy. Much as he'd shoved Dick's hands off of him, like this Jason cozied right up to him, chest against Dick's back and arms tight around his waist, hips snug against his. If he was gonna get bossed around, babied, and have to haul himself out of Dick's with a hangover tomorrow, Jason figured he might as well enjoy this part, and whatever else Dick was, he was hot and he wasn't going to push Jason off a motorcycle for hanging on to him.]
[ Only if you do--Thatās a mutual agreement if heās ever heard one, and right now, itās all the confirmation he needs. When Jason scoots close, he looks over his shoulder with a smile. He has learned that he shouldnāt give up on anyone, much less Jason, whoās stepped into a role that made him who he is today. As much as he hated it.
And heāll admit any day that Jasonās arms wrapping securely around his waist is comforting. He wants Jason to trust him like this, to be able to hang on and go home with him. As he hands over the spare helmet and puts his own on, he finds himself thinking that itād be nice to drive right back to San Francisco and take Jason where he belongs: with the Titans.
For now, though, a nearby safe house will do. Bruce offered it to him when he reached out about Jason, and Dick has no qualms about using it tonight. He keeps his turns steady and his breaking slow, makes sure that Jason doesnāt let go as they ride through the night. Itās been a while since heās been here. Old memories surface. Now, with Jason, itās an altogether different experience than it was with Bruce.
When they step into the safehouse, after clearing all the security points, Dick heads for the kitchen to pour Jason a tall glass of water. ]
I know you donāt want to be here, but I do. And Iām glad youāre here. Alright? [ He says it warily, knowing Jasonās tendency to lash back and push away at statements like that. He holds out the glass of water. ] Glad I found you.
[Jason hangs on for the ride, not paying all that much attention to anything but the feel of it. He hadn't wanted the helmet, but he put it on reluctantly, and wishes for the wind in his hair during the ride. He settles for feeling it bite through his clothes and the contrast of that against the warmth of Dick in front of him, the bike beneath him. He's just drunk enough that all of that feels better than it normally would and he doesn't care about questioning why.
Jason would argue about where he belongs, and that's probably why Dick doesn't say it, or keep driving. The safehouse isn't one he's been in before, and he just climbs off the bike and pulls off the helmet, hair everywhere and that faint sway to his step again before his equilibrium rights itself.
He silently helps clear the place, and then plops down on the nearest soft surface inside, taking the glass from Dick bemusedly when it's offered. He's never going to understand this guy.] I'd have been fine. Not like this is some kind of special occasion. Why do you care? Really? I'm not Robin, I'm not on your team. We don't owe each other shit. What do you want? [Maybe sometime he'd get an answer that made some damn sense.]
[ Why does he care? What does he want? Those are all loaded questions. Dick steps back after he hands the glass over to Jason, leaning back against the spotless kitchen island to watch Jason. The helmets lay on a bench near the entry, along with the bag Jasonās put down. A train of evidence that theyāve entered dots the safehouse to where heās left the keys to his bike on the counter.
Dick folds his arms over his chest with a sigh. Jasonās always been so difficult to talk to but he recognizes those walls better than anyone else. He used to have the same. ]
I want you back with us. I want you understanding that itās not normal and fine to be sleeping on the streets like youāve got nowhere better to be. Maybe you donāt think the Titans tower is a better place to be, and thatāsāthatās your choice but Jason. Let me help you.
[Jason doesn't understand Dick, and it shows everytime they talk because he just can't always accept what Dick tells him. Jason had come at him once with mostly-own walls, when they first met. Yeah he'd needled him too, because Jason was always Jason, but he'd been genuinely excited and admiring, too. That was long past them, and now Jason just does with Dick what he does with everyone else - even Bruce, now. He looks for the hidden motives in everything.
Just wanting Jason around can't be a reason, because people don't want that. So there has to be more to it. Maybe it's a thing with B, maybe it's an ego thing, where he has to succeed where the Bat failed.
Jason's tired, and he's still just a little drunk, and he can't work it out, and fuck, but it's old trying. He rubs his hands over his face.]
I don't sleep in a ditch. I can take care of myself. I did it before I was Robin, I can do it now that I'm not. I don't need you. Why do you want me there? You've got a team, anything I can do you can do better, and the rest of them are fucking superpowered. You don't need me for shit. I don't belong in the Tower anymore than I do in the Manor, and no one wants me there anyway. You know how fast it all went to shit last time. So why do you keep pushing?
[ Theyāre going around and around in circles. Jason keeps bringing up the same points, keeps asking him the same questions, as if Dickās supposed to have a different answer than the one he keeps trying to get across. Jasonās drunk, but this isnāt just the alcohol talking.
A sigh tips his chin up, shoulders down, and he pushes off the counter across to Jason again. He drops to a knee in front of him so they can be closer. Thereās hope that speaking closer will help him get through, right? He looks up at Jason, face the same as heās always remembered, lit in shadow by the dim glow of the safehouseās lighting. A hand reaches and grips Jasonās shoulder. Heās not going to repeat himself again, and he shakes his head once. ]
Look, Jason. Do you really think I only took you on ācus of the tower? [ He questions quietly, calmly, steadily. ] I didnāt. [ He left Bruce of his own accord, and there wouldāve been other ways to get the tower if he was really opposed to taking Jason on. ] But youāre right about one thing: I never needed you for anything. I never cared because I needed you. I cared because Iā[ He swallows. ] I get it. What youāre going through. You think youāre not enough. You push people who care about you away because you think you donāt deserve it. You think youāre better off alone.
[Jason watches Dick come in closer, but doesn't move away. The shoulder beneath Dick's hand tenses, but he stays.
He thinks Dick cares because he's obligated to. Because Dick wears the hero cape and that's what he's supposed to do. Because the Bat told him to, so he feels like he has to. Because he saw Jason nearly toss himself off a roof because he had in in his head that he probably should have just finished the job when Slade started it.
He doesn't think Dick cares about him. Why should he? What the fuck is Jason to him? Jason's the same thing he's always been. A broken part, leaking something toxic that corrodes anything near him. Bruce realizes it, Dick's just too stubborn.
He isn't better off alone. He's incapable of anything else, but alone, and everyone else is better with him that way. Dick fucked up his team and with Slade's kid, yeah. But he's not going to get that. No one's better off never knowing him.
So he's wrong about getting it.] I think you have no fucking clue what I want or what it's like. [If he knew what Jason wanted, he'd be a lot less likely to be here, since one of the things Jason wanted was him.] I think B handed you a project you didn't wanna have to handle and now you feel obligated about it because you know I'm fucked up. I'm not your fault to fix because Slade dropped me off a building and I tried to jump off another one. You don't want me around anymore than anyone else does, you hated it too. I get it, you're a good guy. You still don't have to convince yourself of it, all right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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like you conuld anyway
[OOC: RED HOOD, WOOT!]
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Don't test me. I could and you know it.
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says you.
what ddi you want?
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Says the truth.[ this is dumb and he knows it but at least he's got jason engaged here ]
Just to check on you. Come here and talk to me. [ Stop texting him from across the room. ]
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Fine then. Jason comes down by jumping from rafter to rafter at breakneck speed and landing in front of Dick. He might not be as much of an acrobat as Dick, but Jason's still pretty agile. Which is good, considering how easily he probably could kill himself doing that drunk.
He's in a hoodie and jeans and looks, as usual, somewhat belligerent.]
So. What?
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Hi to you too. [ Long time, Jason, it's been a long time. A few beats stretch between them as Dick looks at Jason before dropping his gaze back down to the beer nursed in his hand beside his phone. ] I was wondering what you're doing back here.
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He was here because he didn't really have anywhere else to be, and Gotham was at least familiar, even if it was a shitty familiar. Dick didn't need to know that though.]
Why? You've got your team and fancy tower. Not your city anymore, but I'm not allowed in it anyway?
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You can be wherever you wanna be. Bruce told me you were back here.[ In other words, he wants to make sure Jason understands there's no tracking going on here. Not on his part.] We're your team, too. Your fancy tower.
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He blows out a harsh sort of breathy laugh. Of course Bruce told him. Of course Bruce knew he was there and didn't bother to say jackshit to him himself. Jason didn't know what he expected. Or yeah, he did. That. He expected exactly that. Not a word and then Dick here to run Jason out of town, but only because Bruce knew Jason would leave once Dick came around, not because Dick would tell him to.]
Sure you are. Okay, so Bruce called you to play us both again. What'd you really come here to say to me?
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Fine. I came here to see how you were doing. You didn't exactly leave on good terms.
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You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. Bruce'll find a new Robin, you'll have your team, and I'll get a new city. I'm not an oglib ... obliga ... you don't gotta check me off of a list you look after just because Bruce told you to. [Jason frowned, almost pouting as the tipsiness caught up to him enough to stumble on the word.]
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That's not how it works and you know it. [ A hand settles on Jason's shoulder. ] What's your plan, then. Move to a new city, then what? Back on the streets? [ A sigh with a shake of his head. ] Come on, you've had too much to drink. Let's get you home. [ His hand settles on Jason's shoulder. ]
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I don't have one of those, remember?
[He'd had a mansion and then the high tech team tower bullshit, and now back to square one. At least he had more skills to start off with this time.]
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Dick frowns, brows drawing deep together as he looks at Jason, as his hand gets shrugged off and hovers in the air for a few seconds before dropping to near Jason's elbow. Just in case he stumbles. Jason doesn't want it, that's fine but the more important question lingers: ]
Then. Where are you staying? [ Don't say it. Don't say back to the old days, back to before Bruce, before the Titans, before him. ] You're not-- [ It'd hurt to hear, it'd be too much for Jason to say, he knows it, so he'll read in between the lines. ] Nevermind. I have an apartment here. You can come back with me, for the night or just stay there. It's fine.
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And if there's not, there's plenty of ways to find a bed for the night.] Not what? Begging for a room at the bathole? Nope.
[God, what the fuck was wrong with Dick? Why did he keep coming back? Driving Jason off and then coming back after him when Jason left. Jason might be poison, but at least he knew how to take a fucking hint from fate.]
Just stop, all right? Stop HELPING, stop trying to fix me or save me or make me better or whatever you're doing. I'm fucked up, and you can't FIX that, so just let me go fuck up on my own, all right?
[It hurt way less in the end, when he was just on his own instead of trying and getting close to people who turned on him because they didn't need him anymore, or because they realized he wasn't worth bothering with in the first place. Bruce, Dick, Rose - they on a list, they didn't make it up. Jason might feel dumb as shit some days, but he learned eventually.]
heh soz i was fucking with access / journal privacy things
Not: on the streets again, are you? He doesnāt say, doesnāt want to say something that might come off as condescending. Heās not judging, heās concerned. Dick shakes his head.
Truthfully, he doesnāt want to talk about any of it. All he wants is to take Jason back and they can talk it out in the morning, when things are cooler between them. However, as always, Jason seems to just get up in his face about it.]
Youāre not fucked up, come on Jason. Iām not gonna leave you, just let me help, I can help. None of this is your fault. [ He reaches out again and sets a hand on Jasonās shoulder, gripping again if Jason will let him. ]
[I do that too! It's really easy to hit on accident on the mouseover dropdown.]
He snorts, because yeah, he's fucked up, they both know that. Pretty much anyone in this hero game is screwed up beyond reason. But Jason's pretty sure he's got the lowest return on investment of any of them. He half thinks that's what Bruce was going for, after Dick. Someone who wouldn't ever be TOO good a guy.]
You don't HAVE to help. You don't have to do anything for me. But fine. Whatever. I'll crash with you and go in the morning. [Jason was a dumbass, but he wouldn't have driven like this anyway, and he wasn't gonna leave his bike. He might hock it for a cheaper one later, but he wasn't going to leave it.
He did shrug off Dick's hand, but less vehemently this time, and just turned to go grab a duffel bag that he slung over his shoulder, managing not to actually spill his drink at the same time.]
ohwow sorry late late!!
Surprise to no one, everything is a fight when it comes to Jason. ]
Get on, ride with me. [ A beat as he looks at Jason, brows knitting in concern. ] Think you can manage not falling off?
[No problem at all!]
He follows Dick out and then snorts at the question.]
Only if you do.
[He climbs on behind Dick, wrapping his arms around the guy. Much as he'd shoved Dick's hands off of him, like this Jason cozied right up to him, chest against Dick's back and arms tight around his waist, hips snug against his. If he was gonna get bossed around, babied, and have to haul himself out of Dick's with a hangover tomorrow, Jason figured he might as well enjoy this part, and whatever else Dick was, he was hot and he wasn't going to push Jason off a motorcycle for hanging on to him.]
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And heāll admit any day that Jasonās arms wrapping securely around his waist is comforting. He wants Jason to trust him like this, to be able to hang on and go home with him. As he hands over the spare helmet and puts his own on, he finds himself thinking that itād be nice to drive right back to San Francisco and take Jason where he belongs: with the Titans.
For now, though, a nearby safe house will do. Bruce offered it to him when he reached out about Jason, and Dick has no qualms about using it tonight. He keeps his turns steady and his breaking slow, makes sure that Jason doesnāt let go as they ride through the night. Itās been a while since heās been here. Old memories surface. Now, with Jason, itās an altogether different experience than it was with Bruce.
When they step into the safehouse, after clearing all the security points, Dick heads for the kitchen to pour Jason a tall glass of water. ]
I know you donāt want to be here, but I do. And Iām glad youāre here. Alright? [ He says it warily, knowing Jasonās tendency to lash back and push away at statements like that. He holds out the glass of water. ] Glad I found you.
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Jason would argue about where he belongs, and that's probably why Dick doesn't say it, or keep driving. The safehouse isn't one he's been in before, and he just climbs off the bike and pulls off the helmet, hair everywhere and that faint sway to his step again before his equilibrium rights itself.
He silently helps clear the place, and then plops down on the nearest soft surface inside, taking the glass from Dick bemusedly when it's offered. He's never going to understand this guy.] I'd have been fine. Not like this is some kind of special occasion. Why do you care? Really? I'm not Robin, I'm not on your team. We don't owe each other shit. What do you want? [Maybe sometime he'd get an answer that made some damn sense.]
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Dick folds his arms over his chest with a sigh. Jasonās always been so difficult to talk to but he recognizes those walls better than anyone else. He used to have the same. ]
I want you back with us. I want you understanding that itās not normal and fine to be sleeping on the streets like youāve got nowhere better to be. Maybe you donāt think the Titans tower is a better place to be, and thatāsāthatās your choice but Jason. Let me help you.
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Just wanting Jason around can't be a reason, because people don't want that. So there has to be more to it. Maybe it's a thing with B, maybe it's an ego thing, where he has to succeed where the Bat failed.
Jason's tired, and he's still just a little drunk, and he can't work it out, and fuck, but it's old trying. He rubs his hands over his face.]
I don't sleep in a ditch. I can take care of myself. I did it before I was Robin, I can do it now that I'm not. I don't need you. Why do you want me there? You've got a team, anything I can do you can do better, and the rest of them are fucking superpowered. You don't need me for shit. I don't belong in the Tower anymore than I do in the Manor, and no one wants me there anyway. You know how fast it all went to shit last time. So why do you keep pushing?
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A sigh tips his chin up, shoulders down, and he pushes off the counter across to Jason again. He drops to a knee in front of him so they can be closer. Thereās hope that speaking closer will help him get through, right? He looks up at Jason, face the same as heās always remembered, lit in shadow by the dim glow of the safehouseās lighting. A hand reaches and grips Jasonās shoulder. Heās not going to repeat himself again, and he shakes his head once. ]
Look, Jason. Do you really think I only took you on ācus of the tower? [ He questions quietly, calmly, steadily. ] I didnāt. [ He left Bruce of his own accord, and there wouldāve been other ways to get the tower if he was really opposed to taking Jason on. ] But youāre right about one thing: I never needed you for anything. I never cared because I needed you. I cared because Iā[ He swallows. ] I get it. What youāre going through. You think youāre not enough. You push people who care about you away because you think you donāt deserve it. You think youāre better off alone.
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He thinks Dick cares because he's obligated to. Because Dick wears the hero cape and that's what he's supposed to do. Because the Bat told him to, so he feels like he has to. Because he saw Jason nearly toss himself off a roof because he had in in his head that he probably should have just finished the job when Slade started it.
He doesn't think Dick cares about him. Why should he? What the fuck is Jason to him? Jason's the same thing he's always been. A broken part, leaking something toxic that corrodes anything near him. Bruce realizes it, Dick's just too stubborn.
He isn't better off alone. He's incapable of anything else, but alone, and everyone else is better with him that way. Dick fucked up his team and with Slade's kid, yeah. But he's not going to get that. No one's better off never knowing him.
So he's wrong about getting it.] I think you have no fucking clue what I want or what it's like. [If he knew what Jason wanted, he'd be a lot less likely to be here, since one of the things Jason wanted was him.] I think B handed you a project you didn't wanna have to handle and now you feel obligated about it because you know I'm fucked up. I'm not your fault to fix because Slade dropped me off a building and I tried to jump off another one. You don't want me around anymore than anyone else does, you hated it too. I get it, you're a good guy. You still don't have to convince yourself of it, all right?
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