You really did prepare. Shit. I had no idea you even did all'a that. And that's like, your protocol to help you remember?
[Maybe he should have done that too. Then again, he's always struggled to try and forget the past so he didn't drown in it. Would he remember being with Dick if he lost that many memories? Fuck, he can't even think about that right now.
He's rather think about their memories together, and their shared words of love. There's a spark in Dick's eyes when Jason tells him he loves him- something deep and intsnse. It warms Jason too, because it very much seems like Dick can feel it. that makes it a little easier when Dick turns away. He just wants Dick to know. To feel it in the room with them.]
Hope you like em as much as you did the first time.
[ itās a whole different layer of paranoia that drives him to do things like that. sometimes, itās the only thing that can calm his fear, the only thing that keeps him grounded, knowing heās prepared for every worst case scenario. like this one.
he picks up the plates and takes them to the table, leaving the mugs for Jason. ]
Iām usually pretty truthful with food, so Iām sure I will. [ he knows they probably both have a positive association with people cooking them food, with the sort of domesticity neither of them really got to experience aside from with Alfred.
he sits at the table. ]
Thatās part of it. The other part is looking through things like written entries, reports, texts, voicemails. Actuallyāthat night I found you asleep on the couch, do you remember when that was? [ he could start chaining together events from there to build a timeline. ]
[ It's smart, though. It's very smart, and Jason supposes it's all the training engrained into them. Some of it wasn't good, but some of it was. If it helped Dick feel grounded all this time, then all the better, really.
Jason grabs the mugs and heads to the table, sitting down next to Dick. ]
Pretty truthful with food, huh? So you're telling me you for real like all the cauliflower kale shit?
[He snorts softly, trying to enjoy the ease of this now. He's still paying attention to how Dick might be feeling though. He should have grabbed some stronger painkillers from the hospital, but he's sure the Tower has what Dick will need.]
Yeah, I remember. It was less than a week ago- Monday night into Tuesday morning. You were at the Tower catching up on things. I had therapy that day. We were gonna meet up for dinner but you had to go take care of Nightwing things earlier than usual. By the time you were done is was real late but you still came over to sleep with me.
Yeah, [ a half huff of laughter in a hint of playful disbelief. ] I like it because itās good for me. Keeps me healthy and feeling my best.
[ surprisingly, the pain is tolerable, but then again, heās trained for this level of pain tolerance too. the broken bones are only fractures, and takes a back seat to the memory issues for now.
he listens intently as Jason fleshes out the details of the night, and takes a bite of the eggs. at which point he stops listening and lifts his brows, gaze dropping to his plate before lifting to Jasonās face again. the tip of his head is clearly impressed.
heāll have to ask more about that night later, because for now, the most important thing is the eggs. ]
Wow. [ another bite. ] Where did you learn to make eggs like this?
[He absolutely didn't when he was younger, though.
Jason can tell when Dick absolutely phases out of their conversation, and he feels pretty alright about it because he's also very proud of his eggs. It's a high compliment to be distracted by them.
He smiles brightly, the light touching his eyes.]
Alfred.
...Bruce benched me so fucking often that I'd spend a lot of time with Alfred in the kitchen. He'd show me things and he loved how actually interested I was, so-- yeah. I've got some Alfred secrets up in here.
[ even those words of agreement are surprising, although by now, maybe they shouldnāt be. if these are the kinds of conversations Jason is used to, it means theyāre more on the same page about a lot of things now. even still, he just looks at Jason with a small smile. itāsānice. ]
Alfred? [ surprise widens his eyes, even as his smile catches up to the way Jasonās brightens. heās glad to hear about their relationship, and to know that Jason at least had Alfred when he was benched. ]
Thatās a pretty good side effect, you know. Iām glad one of us got Alfredās secrets. [ he takes another few bites of the eggs, eyes shutting with a soft pleased hum. ] Mmādidnāt realize how hungry I was.
[ They're more on the same page- Jason likes it too. These conversations feel a little more normal, even if Dick is still trying to catch up. ]
Alfred. He was the best of the best.
[Jason wishes he had more time with him. When Bruce sent him away, Jason lost that too. There was a lot going on that no one really realized. But that's all in the past now, and sitting here with Dick, he thinks of it fondly.]
Last time- when I first made them, you told me you'd have to spend more mornings here with me too-- because of the eggs, but I'm pretty sure it's also cause you really love my morning bedhead.
[ Dick nods to that. Alfred really was the best of the best, often a source of soothing patches to the stings Bruce landed. Dick took solace in the kitchen. ]
Did you ever talk to Alfred about getting benched by Bruce?
[ to Jasonās comment about his bed head, he laughs quietly, finding it so endearing, not just the bed head, but the way Jason jokes like this. ]
It is pretty cute. [ disarmingly so. whatās also disarming is the way Jason looks at him, shares these little things about them. ] But also justāseeing you like this. And seeing how much you care.
Nah, not really. Maybe once, but- I think he just wanted to get my mind off of it cause he saw how bad it was eating at me. Maybe we should've talked, though.
[ It's taken many years and many walls up that had to come down, but Jason's been trying to settle into himself, especially lately. Coming here to San Fransisco was necessary to help with that, but maybe living a normal life here has helped too. Having someone like Dick around, who loves him and who he loves back. Pieces from his life that have always been missing, he's starting to find.
That, and therapy. He should really call Leslie.
He laughs a little easier around Dick, though. He's able to be more himself than anywhere else.]
I care a lot. And... it's easy for me to be this way with you now. We've worked through some of our shit in a real good way.
[He really, really wishes Dick would remember, but it's nice to see Dick leaning into it anyway.]
Maybe, but Alfred's good at that. The whole communicating without actually talking thing. He had lots of practice. [ with Bruce and all and with each of their father-figures passing down the same set of coping mechanisms, with each of them giving it their own twist. Alfred's not perfect, either, but the years have softened his edges the same way Dick sees it happening with Bruce. ] It's never too late, you know.
[ there's that he still needs to understand still--just why Jason was here in San Francisco, and what all that conversation around Leslie is about. he takes a few more bites of breakfast and smiles at Jason, a bit of sadness creeping into his eyes. ]
That's really good. I'm glad. Jason, I'm sorry about this. It can't be easy for you, either.
ooc: Alfred's dead in Titans D: Unless. you wanna play that he's still alive? xD
Yeah, I bet he did. I know spending time with me- he was trying. You know me, I wasn't real big on opening up back then. I had to pretend it was all good, all the time. Nothing could get to me.
[Except it was the complete opposite. Every single thing got to him in such a dramatic way. He's calmed down since then though, even with all the stuff in his brain that drug incident triggered.
He's not sure how much Dick knows- read about why he's here in San Fransisco, but Jason would fill him in on that too. He wants to help, any way he can. When that sadness creeps in, Jason reached across to Dick, putting his hand on his arm for a moment.]
Don't worry about that, ok? You're alive and you're gonna be alright. You're not sitting here looking at me like you can't stand me, so- that's already a win.
Yeah, Iām sure. We all do it, though. Alfred did, too. What changed for you? What made you see it so clearly like this?
[ Dick keeps his arm where it is with Jasonās hand settled on it, feeling grounded from the touch. and when Jason calls him out, he shakes his head ever so slightly. ]
I might, yeah. Iām glad it worked ācus I really wasnāt looking forward to getting through you, first. [ his grin widens. ]
A lot changed after I left Crane. When you found me, talked to me. When you let me help take him down. And then I was on my own again after you all went back to San Fransisco. It was the worst fucking thing I ever felt. But then you came back, and it made me feel like I had another chance. I know-- you don't remember that part. The part when you came back to Gotham, right?
After that I knew I had to deal with my shit. To figure it all out. Maybe coming back from the dead helped. But knowing I lost everything that meant anything to me- I figured maybe I could at least get some of it back. At least with you.
[It's more than that, but that's the start of it, at least. The thing that really got Jason thinking.]
I would've kicked your ass right back into bed, for sure.
[ Dick listens intently as Jason speaks, sipping thoughtfully on his coffee. thereās a frown on his face at the mention of Crane the same way heās always frowned about him, but it twists into confusion as Jason continues. he shakes his head. he doesnāt remember coming back to Gotham ]
You mean a year ago? For the weapons being routed through San Fran? [ the last thing he remembered? ]
Looks like it worked, hm? At least to get you started somewhere. Jason, you feel different now. In a good way. [ he smiles.
then laughs, and promptly stops himself with a hand on the aching ribs. he winces briefly before lifting a brow. ]
Yeah, then. I didn't know you'd be there- you didn't know I'd be there either. We were after the same thing. Then you got hurt pretty bad and I got you outta there. We escaped underground and I took you back to where I had been staying. You know that scar on your abdomen? The real sexy knife wound? I sewed that up.
[He smiles a little, and then it swells into an even bigger one. He feels like he's been regressing lately in some ways, but hearing Dick say that he feels different in a good way, that's good to hear. It's really good to hear.
And then he snorts, rolling his eyes a little.]
Would've had you down in 2 seconds flat. I know where all your wounds are.
[ the mention of the scar brings something to his eyes, something that looks like shock. he looks down and pulls up the hem of the jacket to reveal the old scar, knowing exactly where it is to see it healed, neat rows of stitches crawling along the shiny scar tissue. an image surfaces and he remembers the gash, remembers blood covering his side, telling Jason to just tape it up until they got somewhere safe, the whole thing blurry and desperate and so painful.
he looks up at Jason then, letting the jacket fall back into place. he wonders what other scars heāll discover and what stories heāll be missing. ]
I mustāve started trusting you again then. Is that when we started talking again? [ because Jason left him for dead at one point but then saved him.
then, seeing Jason smile like that does something to him. he smiles wider himself, unable to help but feel like his heart skips a beat. ]
Is that how good you are now? Thatās all you need to take me down in two seconds flat? [ thereās a kind of pride in his voice, mixed in with the teasing. ] Iād hope to last at least five.
[ A lot has happened between them. A whole damn lot. He understands why Dick would be confused or unsure about it all- especially on where they stood. Hopefully it's clearer now, just a little bit, but he's sure it's still real strange. ]
Yeah- that one. I did good, huh?
[He can see the shock, but then also the recognition on Dick's face. Little things, even if not completely pleasant to remember, are good.]
It's when we started talking again for real, yeah. We were trying.
[Dick even gets a small laugh, Jason shaking his head a little at that.]
Oh, I'm real good now. You're lucky I'm taking a break.
[ heās playing catch up, and all in all, heād say heās doing pretty well so far by taking things in stride. heās still eager to get back to his records, but spending time here with Jason has taken his mind mostly off it.
itās nice just to sit here and talk. he hasnāt ever imagined they could talk in this way. ]
I mean, Iām alive, so Iād say thatās pretty good.
[ trying, meaning they both found ways to forgive each other and meet on common ground. that makes his smile soften. ]
Good. [ he takes a couple more bites of food with a raise of a brow. ]
What kind of break? [ a beat. ] Does this have to do with the street drugs?
Edited (IT LOST HALF MY TAG) 2024-04-02 01:35 (UTC)
[ Jason thinks Dick is doing pretty well, too. It's good they're talking like this though. Maybe it'll be easier for his brain to remember these memories if they talk about it while the injuries are still fresh.
He knows he's just making that up in his head, but he's trying to think positive. Has to count for something, right? ]
Alive, and it's a very neat stitch.
[Trying to keep it a little light. And yeah, they were definitely trying back then too. Trying to forgive each other, to talk, to find some way to work through their pain. An understanding.]
I was real grateful for it, believe me.
[And grateful for it now too, seeing that smile. Knowing that they had a good thing going. They can get back to it. He knows they can.]
Uh- yeah. That whole thing... it happened after we had already decided to be together. I mean, if we're trying to chronologically order everything. But yeah. I got doused. It was pretty bad. Got to me in a way Crane's drug did. I was fucked up and pretty scared.
[ thinking positively counts for a lot in Dick's book, especially when it's often the only thing they can hang onto to keep from drowning. he huffs a quiet laugh. ]
Mhmm. [ it's a neat stitch, and he's looking forward to standing in front of a mirror so he can run his finger along it. ]
I would've been grateful for it too. Still am, even if I don't remember it. [ because just sitting here, having a conversation with Jason where it feels like they're on the same page feels like a dream. a good one.
but his eyes narrow with the mention of the drug, the previous warm smile fading to concern. chronologically ordering things feels important at the moment, so he appreciates that detail. ]
Yeah, considering what happened last time you were on Crane's drug, that makes a lot of sense. How's it all going now? What was the action plan once I brought you here?
[ Jason would love to run his fingers back over that scar again too, just like his lips did, the last time they were together. It's still so vivid in his memories. He wishes he could transfer some of that over to Dick.
They had a good thing going, even with all the ups and downs. Jason found strength in what they had, and he hopes Dick can find that too- even if he doesn't remember it. ]
The action plan was... figuring myself out. Therapy. Talking to Leslie Thompkins about all the shit in my head and just- being here, I guess. Away from it all. Regrouping, I guess.
[ he nods slowly, gingerly crossing his arms over his chest as he takes that in. Leslie Thompkins, the therapy, getting away from it, regrouping... ]
Those are drastic changes. [ so it was bad, then, if that's the plan they came up with. ] But they make sense, if the hope is to build up a baseline to be steady on when shit goes down. Has Leslie been helping?
They were drastic, yeah, but... I as willing to give it a shot.
[Even when it was hard to step away, he was able to. With Dick's help and Leslie's help, he's figuring his head out.]
She's been making me talk a whole lot, and I've been trying to listen. Talking about my past shit doesn't feel like it's helping, but- I know it is. I've got a fuckton of garbage pent up inside of me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Ugh he issss. They're both cute š„ŗ
[Maybe he should have done that too. Then again, he's always struggled to try and forget the past so he didn't drown in it. Would he remember being with Dick if he lost that many memories? Fuck, he can't even think about that right now.
He's rather think about their memories together, and their shared words of love. There's a spark in Dick's eyes when Jason tells him he loves him- something deep and intsnse. It warms Jason too, because it very much seems like Dick can feel it. that makes it a little easier when Dick turns away. He just wants Dick to know. To feel it in the room with them.]
Hope you like em as much as you did the first time.
they are š„ŗ
he picks up the plates and takes them to the table, leaving the mugs for Jason. ]
Iām usually pretty truthful with food, so Iām sure I will. [ he knows they probably both have a positive association with people cooking them food, with the sort of domesticity neither of them really got to experience aside from with Alfred.
he sits at the table. ]
Thatās part of it. The other part is looking through things like written entries, reports, texts, voicemails. Actuallyāthat night I found you asleep on the couch, do you remember when that was? [ he could start chaining together events from there to build a timeline. ]
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Jason grabs the mugs and heads to the table, sitting down next to Dick. ]
Pretty truthful with food, huh? So you're telling me you for real like all the cauliflower kale shit?
[He snorts softly, trying to enjoy the ease of this now. He's still paying attention to how Dick might be feeling though. He should have grabbed some stronger painkillers from the hospital, but he's sure the Tower has what Dick will need.]
Yeah, I remember. It was less than a week ago- Monday night into Tuesday morning. You were at the Tower catching up on things. I had therapy that day. We were gonna meet up for dinner but you had to go take care of Nightwing things earlier than usual. By the time you were done is was real late but you still came over to sleep with me.
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[ surprisingly, the pain is tolerable, but then again, heās trained for this level of pain tolerance too. the broken bones are only fractures, and takes a back seat to the memory issues for now.
he listens intently as Jason fleshes out the details of the night, and takes a bite of the eggs. at which point he stops listening and lifts his brows, gaze dropping to his plate before lifting to Jasonās face again. the tip of his head is clearly impressed.
heāll have to ask more about that night later, because for now, the most important thing is the eggs. ]
Wow. [ another bite. ] Where did you learn to make eggs like this?
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[He absolutely didn't when he was younger, though.
Jason can tell when Dick absolutely phases out of their conversation, and he feels pretty alright about it because he's also very proud of his eggs. It's a high compliment to be distracted by them.
He smiles brightly, the light touching his eyes.]
Alfred.
...Bruce benched me so fucking often that I'd spend a lot of time with Alfred in the kitchen. He'd show me things and he loved how actually interested I was, so-- yeah. I've got some Alfred secrets up in here.
[He taps at his head, then digs in as well.]
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Alfred? [ surprise widens his eyes, even as his smile catches up to the way Jasonās brightens. heās glad to hear about their relationship, and to know that Jason at least had Alfred when he was benched. ]
Thatās a pretty good side effect, you know. Iām glad one of us got Alfredās secrets. [ he takes another few bites of the eggs, eyes shutting with a soft pleased hum. ] Mmādidnāt realize how hungry I was.
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Alfred. He was the best of the best.
[Jason wishes he had more time with him. When Bruce sent him away, Jason lost that too. There was a lot going on that no one really realized. But that's all in the past now, and sitting here with Dick, he thinks of it fondly.]
Last time- when I first made them, you told me you'd have to spend more mornings here with me too-- because of the eggs, but I'm pretty sure it's also cause you really love my morning bedhead.
am sorry for dropping off the face of the earth
Did you ever talk to Alfred about getting benched by Bruce?
[ to Jasonās comment about his bed head, he laughs quietly, finding it so endearing, not just the bed head, but the way Jason jokes like this. ]
It is pretty cute. [ disarmingly so. whatās also disarming is the way Jason looks at him, shares these little things about them. ] But also justāseeing you like this. And seeing how much you care.
it's all good <3
[ It's taken many years and many walls up that had to come down, but Jason's been trying to settle into himself, especially lately. Coming here to San Fransisco was necessary to help with that, but maybe living a normal life here has helped too. Having someone like Dick around, who loves him and who he loves back. Pieces from his life that have always been missing, he's starting to find.
That, and therapy. He should really call Leslie.
He laughs a little easier around Dick, though. He's able to be more himself than anywhere else.]
I care a lot. And... it's easy for me to be this way with you now. We've worked through some of our shit in a real good way.
[He really, really wishes Dick would remember, but it's nice to see Dick leaning into it anyway.]
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[ there's that he still needs to understand still--just why Jason was here in San Francisco, and what all that conversation around Leslie is about. he takes a few more bites of breakfast and smiles at Jason, a bit of sadness creeping into his eyes. ]
That's really good. I'm glad. Jason, I'm sorry about this. It can't be easy for you, either.
ooc: Alfred's dead in Titans D: Unless. you wanna play that he's still alive? xD
[Except it was the complete opposite. Every single thing got to him in such a dramatic way. He's calmed down since then though, even with all the stuff in his brain that drug incident triggered.
He's not sure how much Dick knows- read about why he's here in San Fransisco, but Jason would fill him in on that too. He wants to help, any way he can. When that sadness creeps in, Jason reached across to Dick, putting his hand on his arm for a moment.]
Don't worry about that, ok? You're alive and you're gonna be alright. You're not sitting here looking at me like you can't stand me, so- that's already a win.
NOPE, he should stay dead SORRY I FORGOT
[ Dick understood it, too, but only on a good day where his own demons weren't creeping up in the back of his mind. ]
Like I can't stand you-- [ a wry laugh. ] I think that's the least I can do after you got me out of that hospital.
xD
[And got him to where he was all around, he's pretty sure. Being able to talk about it now is different, though.
Jason scoops some more eggs into his mouth, a small smirk of his own following.]
Well if anyone was gonna do it, you knew it had to be me. You're very fucking convincing, you know that?
[Even without his memories he knew exactly how to appeal to Jason.]
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[ Dick keeps his arm where it is with Jasonās hand settled on it, feeling grounded from the touch. and when Jason calls him out, he shakes his head ever so slightly. ]
I might, yeah. Iām glad it worked ācus I really wasnāt looking forward to getting through you, first. [ his grin widens. ]
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After that I knew I had to deal with my shit. To figure it all out. Maybe coming back from the dead helped. But knowing I lost everything that meant anything to me- I figured maybe I could at least get some of it back. At least with you.
[It's more than that, but that's the start of it, at least. The thing that really got Jason thinking.]
I would've kicked your ass right back into bed, for sure.
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You mean a year ago? For the weapons being routed through San Fran? [ the last thing he remembered? ]
Looks like it worked, hm? At least to get you started somewhere. Jason, you feel different now. In a good way. [ he smiles.
then laughs, and promptly stops himself with a hand on the aching ribs. he winces briefly before lifting a brow. ]
Uh-huh. Wouldāve been nice to see you try.
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[He smiles a little, and then it swells into an even bigger one. He feels like he's been regressing lately in some ways, but hearing Dick say that he feels different in a good way, that's good to hear. It's really good to hear.
And then he snorts, rolling his eyes a little.]
Would've had you down in 2 seconds flat. I know where all your wounds are.
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Knife wound?
[ the mention of the scar brings something to his eyes, something that looks like shock. he looks down and pulls up the hem of the jacket to reveal the old scar, knowing exactly where it is to see it healed, neat rows of stitches crawling along the shiny scar tissue. an image surfaces and he remembers the gash, remembers blood covering his side, telling Jason to just tape it up until they got somewhere safe, the whole thing blurry and desperate and so painful.
he looks up at Jason then, letting the jacket fall back into place. he wonders what other scars heāll discover and what stories heāll be missing. ]
I mustāve started trusting you again then. Is that when we started talking again? [ because Jason left him for dead at one point but then saved him.
then, seeing Jason smile like that does something to him. he smiles wider himself, unable to help but feel like his heart skips a beat. ]
Is that how good you are now? Thatās all you need to take me down in two seconds flat? [ thereās a kind of pride in his voice, mixed in with the teasing. ] Iād hope to last at least five.
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Yeah- that one. I did good, huh?
[He can see the shock, but then also the recognition on Dick's face. Little things, even if not completely pleasant to remember, are good.]
It's when we started talking again for real, yeah. We were trying.
[Dick even gets a small laugh, Jason shaking his head a little at that.]
Oh, I'm real good now. You're lucky I'm taking a break.
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itās nice just to sit here and talk. he hasnāt ever imagined they could talk in this way. ]
I mean, Iām alive, so Iād say thatās pretty good.
[ trying, meaning they both found ways to forgive each other and meet on common ground. that makes his smile soften. ]
Good. [ he takes a couple more bites of food with a raise of a brow. ]
What kind of break? [ a beat. ] Does this have to do with the street drugs?
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He knows he's just making that up in his head, but he's trying to think positive. Has to count for something, right? ]
Alive, and it's a very neat stitch.
[Trying to keep it a little light. And yeah, they were definitely trying back then too. Trying to forgive each other, to talk, to find some way to work through their pain. An understanding.]
I was real grateful for it, believe me.
[And grateful for it now too, seeing that smile. Knowing that they had a good thing going. They can get back to it. He knows they can.]
Uh- yeah. That whole thing... it happened after we had already decided to be together. I mean, if we're trying to chronologically order everything. But yeah. I got doused. It was pretty bad. Got to me in a way Crane's drug did. I was fucked up and pretty scared.
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Mhmm. [ it's a neat stitch, and he's looking forward to standing in front of a mirror so he can run his finger along it. ]
I would've been grateful for it too. Still am, even if I don't remember it. [ because just sitting here, having a conversation with Jason where it feels like they're on the same page feels like a dream. a good one.
but his eyes narrow with the mention of the drug, the previous warm smile fading to concern. chronologically ordering things feels important at the moment, so he appreciates that detail. ]
Yeah, considering what happened last time you were on Crane's drug, that makes a lot of sense. How's it all going now? What was the action plan once I brought you here?
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They had a good thing going, even with all the ups and downs. Jason found strength in what they had, and he hopes Dick can find that too- even if he doesn't remember it. ]
The action plan was... figuring myself out. Therapy. Talking to Leslie Thompkins about all the shit in my head and just- being here, I guess. Away from it all. Regrouping, I guess.
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Those are drastic changes. [ so it was bad, then, if that's the plan they came up with. ] But they make sense, if the hope is to build up a baseline to be steady on when shit goes down. Has Leslie been helping?
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[Even when it was hard to step away, he was able to. With Dick's help and Leslie's help, he's figuring his head out.]
She's been making me talk a whole lot, and I've been trying to listen. Talking about my past shit doesn't feel like it's helping, but- I know it is. I've got a fuckton of garbage pent up inside of me.
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ok lmk if this is a good amount of ff!
yeah it's good!
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Shall we wrap?! :)))
yeah ;____;