[ Dick searches out Timās expression again, dark, hurt eyes trying to find some sort of hint of to his boyfriend(?)ās thoughts, of what he had done wrong to cause Tim to come all the way to Haven without even a word of warning, suddenly asking if he wants to break up.
has he really fucked up so bad to instill so much uncertainty into their relationship? his hands squeeze Timās smaller ones, and finally, Tim looks away from the floor. and starts talking.
each word makes Dickās brows knit together tighter, the pool of confusion and hurt and guilt twists closer and closer and heās shaking his head before Tim finishes. ]
Tim, Iā¦ [ he truthfully doesnāt know where to start. ] I wanted it too. Really bad, and lately itās beenā [ he cuts himself off because he doesnāt want it all to come out the wrong way. so he tugs on Timās hands. ]
Come here?
[ he wants Tim in his lap, wants to wrap his arms around his clearly hurting boyfriend. ]
Edited (idk what happened LMAO) 2025-02-27 22:42 (UTC)
[ It's honestly a little pathetic how quickly Tim crumples like a leaf the moment Dick tugs on his hands. Immediately crawls into Dick's lap and attaches himself to the man's body, burrowing as close as he can get. Fuck, he should have just started by asking for this and then started talking. Clearly there's a lot he needs to learn.
All of his energy is completely sapped out of him. Dick is warm, and comfortable, and Tim can feel his eyes sting but he's absolutely not going to let himself cry. The last thing he needs is for Dick to think he's too much of a baby to want to deal with. ]
I'm sorry. [ It's whispered out, even though Tim's not sure what part he's apologizing for. Maybe it's for all of it. He doesn't know. But after only a few seconds Tim's shivering stops. He seems to calm entirely, and while he's still worried he's not an anxious mess about to melt into a puddle on the floor. ]
I don't want to lose you, I don't.
[ It feels important to say. Tim's not so wrapped up in his feelings that he can't tell that he's hurt Dick with the things he's said. That was never his intention--his only intention was to give his boyfriend an out if that's what he wanted. To make sure that Dick never felt like he had to date Tim out of some weird obligation. Dick deserves to be with someone he can fall in love with.
His fingers curl around the fabric of Dick's shirt, clinging more than he ever really has. Indulging himself, in case he doesn't get to have this again. ]
[ Tim practically melts into his arms and Dick finally feels that tightness in his chest start to give. for a moment, he just lets himself feel Tim, to finally physically be in the same space again.
Tim apologizes and Dick shakes his head. ]
Itās okay. [ itās whispered back against Timās temple. a slow, shaky breath makes him notice the way Tim smells like him. his soap, his clothes. his. arms wrap around a trim waist and he pulls Tim closer, so his boyfriend can feel that heās wanted, that Dick doesnāt want to lose him either. he can feel Timās hand in his shirt, all those nerves twisting in the fabric of his shirt like itās an anchor keeping him from being swept away by all those hurt feelings. ]
I havenāt been present enough for you. [ guilt darkens his gaze as he lifts his head back to look at Tim. a hand cups the smooth slope of Timās cheek. he has to explain, to make things right. ] Iām sorry. And Iām sorry for what I said about Nightwing. I didnāt mean to imply that Iāll sleep around. Iā¦
[ he hesitates, looking away for a beat to find the words. ]
I just meant that I donāt date in the suit.
[ his eyes lift back up to Timās, to assess what he might find there. yes, his own feelings are hurt, too. he canāt distinguish the sting of surprise that this is happening, from the burn of feeling inadequate. he fucked it up. just like he had been scared he would. ]
I donāt want anyone except for you. Do you hear me?
[ Those strong arms fit around Tim just right and it's a balm to his very soul. He can feel the tension bleed from his body, and though he keeps ahold of Dick's shirt, the color returns to his knuckles. He breathes and listens, tries to process what he hears.
The part about not dating in the suit only partly makes sense to him, but it's not worth trying to parse. As long as Dick isn't going to see other people, it's really the only thing that matters.
Tim leans into the hand against his cheek. Dick doesn't want anyone else. Could have pretty much anyone he wants but who he wants is Tim--hearing it make his eyes a little watery from relief and he has to close them to keep ahold of himself. He nods with a shaky breath to confirm that he understands, but he needs another moment before he trusts himself to speak. He swallows hard, and then takes another shot. ]
I don't want anyone else, either. And I don't want to break up, I just didn't want you to feel trapped.
[ Despite any flaw that Dick might have, Tim only wants what's best for him. But damn, does he want to be what's best for him.
He has zero interest in playing the blame game or trying to make Dick feel guilty. What would that improve? He's just as much at fault for this. He needs to step up and be mature.
This time, his voice is softer and a little more careful. He's trying to be brave about sharing. Genuinely believes that being vulnerable is the only solution that won't make things a hundred times worse. ]
I need to get better, too. At asking for what I need, or trying to--to talk when I'm confused. I have as much responsibility as you do in this.
Youāre better at that than you think you are, Tim.
[ he says just as calmly. he appreciates what Tim is doing and can see the effort heās putting into sharing. a thumb sweeps along the top of Timās cheek, gentle and affectionate, despite how precarious their conversation feels. ]
Youāre here. [ here before Dick even knew there was anything wrong at all. ] And youāre telling me how you feel. Iām so glad you are, because I would never want you to be alone if youāre hurting.
[ his hand finds Timās chin to try and catch his eye. he can see the emotions starting to rim that brilliant blue, sees the way Tim tries to hold back and stay strong. ]
Listen to me. I chose to be with you the same way I chose to take your virginity. I chose to be your boyfriend. [ a small smile softens the corners of his mouth, because every time he thinks about it, that Tim is his boyfriend, a tenderness blooms within him. ]
You didnātā¦trap me, Tim. Do you remember what I said to you that day? I told you Iāve had feelings for you for a long time. My heart was yours way before that night.
[ The red of his cheeks darken, but he holds Dick's gaze looking positively reverent. There's no one like the man in front of him to make his heart flutter, to rid his soul of the loneliness it's always known. What Dick says is exactly what he needs to hear, and it being said with such an adoring smile just adds to it. He knows that his boyfriend means it, isn't just saying things to placate him.
Dick did choose to be his boyfriend. He could have said no. Though he probably would want to spare Tim's feelings, he wouldn't have taken the easy way out if it hurt him in the long run. Tim needs to trust that and remind himself of it when he feels himself slipping into that spiral that catches him on his worst days. ]
Your heart has been mine for a long time.
[ God, does it feel nice to say. One of his hands presses flat against Dick's chest, like he can feel his heart just beneath his fingertips. Tim leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his boyfriend's lips, then rests his head against the man's shoulder. ]
[ he breathes the words before Tim leans in for a kiss, and his eyes shut to the feeling of it. but when Tim's head presses to a shoulder, he tenses, a wince at the moment's pain from the pressure against a spot that hasn't healed yet. it's just a brief second, and he hopes Tim doesn't notice it. ]
Are you?
[ it's a gentle question that expresses his own doubts. he's not good at the whole relationship thing. he isn't aware enough of the amount of work he actually should put in. there are things he needs to change about his life, he knows that now. ]
Even if I'm in a whole other city? And I don't visit enough? Or text enough?
[ Of course Tim notices. Tim notices everything. He pulls back, giving a concerned look. Is Dick hurt? He hadn't told Tim about anything.
But he's quickly distracted from that line of thought when he hears the question. It's a fair one to ask, he supposes. Tim doesn't want Dick to doubt his desire to be in a relationship, but he did just sort of appear at his apartment out of nowhere telling Dick it would be okay if he wanted to.
So he looks a little sad about it, but nods his head without hesitation. Keeps his voice quiet and gentle. ]
Even if you live in a different city, and don't visit enough or text enough. I'll miss you, but I'll still be yours.
[ He'll have to try to be a little less needy. Which is sort of funny, because Tim never thought that'd be an issue that he had, he always figured it would be the opposite. Because in past relationships, it was him leaving some distance. ]
I've never felt this way about anyone before. I wasn't even sure I could.
[ There's an earnestness glowing in his eyes, subdued by the depth of the moment but still managing to shine through. Tim really means it--Dick is special. He's always been the exception to the rule. ]
[ the smile softens on Dick's expression, his eyes warming to Tim's words. he understood what Tim was trying to say. it must be hard to put aside all that rational thinking with a mind that noticed everything and analysed every detail. luckily, Tim liked him enough to set all that aside and deal with the distance, his unresponsiveness, his bad habit of disappearing every once in a while to drown in his work. ]
Thanks, Tim. [ he sees the genuine adoration in Tim's eyes, and it amazes him how even just that loosens the knot in his chest. ] Didn't think I could, either. I always thought that everything else was priority, but with you...you make me realize what's important.
[ it's a promise that he intends to keep.
all his past relationships that fell apart because work was more important, because saving other people and relationships that were not his own were more important, even if it meant giving up his own love. as unexpected and shocking as it was to have Tim show up at his apartment, soaking wet and telling him it was okay to break up, it was what he needed to properly see what he was letting happen. ]
I don't ever want you to ever feel like I don't wanna be with you again, hm? So if you ever miss me, just call me, okay? I promise I'll pick up.
[ Dick is implying that Tim is what's really important, and it makes the fluttery little butterflies in his chest explode with happiness. His cheeks flush darker and he has to glance away shyly.
He feels loved, and it's probably the best thing he's ever felt. Tim rewards him with another gentle kiss, a sweet little affection. But he's careful not to press the spot that made Dick flinch earlier. ]
Do you think I could stay the night? If you don't already have plans.
[ He doesn't really want to go back out to the pouring rain, his clothes probably aren't dry yet anyway. Though at this point he is genuinely debating stealing what Dick let him borrow. Getting to have some of his boyfriend's clothes makes the distance a little easier.
But he won't be angry if Dick has other things to do. Tim showed up out of no where, he's not so egotistical that he expects his boyfriend to drop everything. ]
Even if I just stay on the couch or something. I don't want to get all wet again.
What? [ there's genuine surprise lifting his brows as Tim asks him to stay ]. Of course you can stay the night. In bed, with me. There's no way I'm letting you sleep on the couch.
[ he smiles warmly, with a shake of his head. he's aware that Tim is trying to be courteous, and he appreciates it. he presses a kiss to Tim's lips. ]
I missed you. You're not getting away from me now.
[ If Tim were a cat he'd be purring, pleased with the result he got and at the idea of getting to snuggle up in his boyfriend's arms.
As it is he just smiled against those perfect lips and nods his head. Tim doesn't even realize that he's the one suggesting sleep at some point, so mark self care down as something that he improves on when Dick is around. ]
I just know it's rude to invite myself.
[ Janet always made sure that little Timmy minded his manners, he couldn't make her look bad. And, well, sometimes old habits die hard.
It's still a little early to go to bed, but he's content to snuggle to and share the same air with someone he cares so much about. Being like this washes away his insecurities and make everything just feel... better. ]
Weāre so past that, Tim. You know that, donāt you?
[ even as he asks the question, he knows the answer. Tim doesnāt know it. Tim operated from a place of thinking he wasnāt wanted unless he was explicitly told so, or was providing something useful. Dick knew that from all the years of working with Tim, training him, and being part of the only family they now had. And somehow, he had been blind to it when it comes to their relationship.
he searches out Timās expression at that declaration of belonging, and brushes their noses together even as his smile turns a little sad at the thought. ]
Iām yours too. All of me, so you can come here whenever you want, Tim. Just know that you have an open invitation to my bed and my life.
[ he doesnāt normally like surprises, but where Tim is involved, things always seem to work a little differently. ]
[ Tim knows that Dick knows him well enough that he doesn't really need to answer the question. Feeling wanted is still something new to him, and perhaps with a bit more time he can shake that mentality and just embrace that as Dick's boyfriend, he's welcome without invitation.
He'll work on it. ]
I'll probably still try to give you a heads up. To make sure you're actually home.
[ The grin he gives is a little sheepish, because immediately he thinks about his probability of hacking into Dick's security systems and getting in without him even there. Might be an interesting test, at some point. If Barbara helped at all they might be too advanced for even Tim.
Tim shakes that thought away and steals another kiss, can't seem to help himself. He's obsessed with the way Dick's lips feel against his own, soft and warm. Every little peck is a steady reminder that this is real, that this is one good thing he's allowed to have without feeling any guilt. No matter what his brain tried to convince him of sometimes. ]
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has he really fucked up so bad to instill so much uncertainty into their relationship? his hands squeeze Timās smaller ones, and finally, Tim looks away from the floor. and starts talking.
each word makes Dickās brows knit together tighter, the pool of confusion and hurt and guilt twists closer and closer and heās shaking his head before Tim finishes. ]
Tim, Iā¦ [ he truthfully doesnāt know where to start. ] I wanted it too. Really bad, and lately itās beenā [ he cuts himself off because he doesnāt want it all to come out the wrong way. so he tugs on Timās hands. ]
Come here?
[ he wants Tim in his lap, wants to wrap his arms around his clearly hurting boyfriend. ]
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All of his energy is completely sapped out of him. Dick is warm, and comfortable, and Tim can feel his eyes sting but he's absolutely not going to let himself cry. The last thing he needs is for Dick to think he's too much of a baby to want to deal with. ]
I'm sorry. [ It's whispered out, even though Tim's not sure what part he's apologizing for. Maybe it's for all of it. He doesn't know. But after only a few seconds Tim's shivering stops. He seems to calm entirely, and while he's still worried he's not an anxious mess about to melt into a puddle on the floor. ]
I don't want to lose you, I don't.
[ It feels important to say. Tim's not so wrapped up in his feelings that he can't tell that he's hurt Dick with the things he's said. That was never his intention--his only intention was to give his boyfriend an out if that's what he wanted. To make sure that Dick never felt like he had to date Tim out of some weird obligation. Dick deserves to be with someone he can fall in love with.
His fingers curl around the fabric of Dick's shirt, clinging more than he ever really has. Indulging himself, in case he doesn't get to have this again. ]
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Tim apologizes and Dick shakes his head. ]
Itās okay. [ itās whispered back against Timās temple. a slow, shaky breath makes him notice the way Tim smells like him. his soap, his clothes. his. arms wrap around a trim waist and he pulls Tim closer, so his boyfriend can feel that heās wanted, that Dick doesnāt want to lose him either. he can feel Timās hand in his shirt, all those nerves twisting in the fabric of his shirt like itās an anchor keeping him from being swept away by all those hurt feelings. ]
I havenāt been present enough for you. [ guilt darkens his gaze as he lifts his head back to look at Tim. a hand cups the smooth slope of Timās cheek. he has to explain, to make things right. ] Iām sorry. And Iām sorry for what I said about Nightwing. I didnāt mean to imply that Iāll sleep around. Iā¦
[ he hesitates, looking away for a beat to find the words. ]
I just meant that I donāt date in the suit.
[ his eyes lift back up to Timās, to assess what he might find there. yes, his own feelings are hurt, too. he canāt distinguish the sting of surprise that this is happening, from the burn of feeling inadequate. he fucked it up. just like he had been scared he would. ]
I donāt want anyone except for you. Do you hear me?
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The part about not dating in the suit only partly makes sense to him, but it's not worth trying to parse. As long as Dick isn't going to see other people, it's really the only thing that matters.
Tim leans into the hand against his cheek. Dick doesn't want anyone else. Could have pretty much anyone he wants but who he wants is Tim--hearing it make his eyes a little watery from relief and he has to close them to keep ahold of himself. He nods with a shaky breath to confirm that he understands, but he needs another moment before he trusts himself to speak. He swallows hard, and then takes another shot. ]
I don't want anyone else, either. And I don't want to break up, I just didn't want you to feel trapped.
[ Despite any flaw that Dick might have, Tim only wants what's best for him. But damn, does he want to be what's best for him.
He has zero interest in playing the blame game or trying to make Dick feel guilty. What would that improve? He's just as much at fault for this. He needs to step up and be mature.
This time, his voice is softer and a little more careful. He's trying to be brave about sharing. Genuinely believes that being vulnerable is the only solution that won't make things a hundred times worse. ]
I need to get better, too. At asking for what I need, or trying to--to talk when I'm confused. I have as much responsibility as you do in this.
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[ he says just as calmly. he appreciates what Tim is doing and can see the effort heās putting into sharing. a thumb sweeps along the top of Timās cheek, gentle and affectionate, despite how precarious their conversation feels. ]
Youāre here. [ here before Dick even knew there was anything wrong at all. ] And youāre telling me how you feel. Iām so glad you are, because I would never want you to be alone if youāre hurting.
[ his hand finds Timās chin to try and catch his eye. he can see the emotions starting to rim that brilliant blue, sees the way Tim tries to hold back and stay strong. ]
Listen to me. I chose to be with you the same way I chose to take your virginity. I chose to be your boyfriend. [ a small smile softens the corners of his mouth, because every time he thinks about it, that Tim is his boyfriend, a tenderness blooms within him. ]
You didnātā¦trap me, Tim. Do you remember what I said to you that day? I told you Iāve had feelings for you for a long time. My heart was yours way before that night.
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Dick did choose to be his boyfriend. He could have said no. Though he probably would want to spare Tim's feelings, he wouldn't have taken the easy way out if it hurt him in the long run. Tim needs to trust that and remind himself of it when he feels himself slipping into that spiral that catches him on his worst days. ]
Your heart has been mine for a long time.
[ God, does it feel nice to say. One of his hands presses flat against Dick's chest, like he can feel his heart just beneath his fingertips. Tim leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his boyfriend's lips, then rests his head against the man's shoulder. ]
I'm really glad you're my boyfriend.
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[ he breathes the words before Tim leans in for a kiss, and his eyes shut to the feeling of it. but when Tim's head presses to a shoulder, he tenses, a wince at the moment's pain from the pressure against a spot that hasn't healed yet. it's just a brief second, and he hopes Tim doesn't notice it. ]
Are you?
[ it's a gentle question that expresses his own doubts. he's not good at the whole relationship thing. he isn't aware enough of the amount of work he actually should put in. there are things he needs to change about his life, he knows that now. ]
Even if I'm in a whole other city? And I don't visit enough? Or text enough?
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But he's quickly distracted from that line of thought when he hears the question. It's a fair one to ask, he supposes. Tim doesn't want Dick to doubt his desire to be in a relationship, but he did just sort of appear at his apartment out of nowhere telling Dick it would be okay if he wanted to.
So he looks a little sad about it, but nods his head without hesitation. Keeps his voice quiet and gentle. ]
Even if you live in a different city, and don't visit enough or text enough. I'll miss you, but I'll still be yours.
[ He'll have to try to be a little less needy. Which is sort of funny, because Tim never thought that'd be an issue that he had, he always figured it would be the opposite. Because in past relationships, it was him leaving some distance. ]
I've never felt this way about anyone before. I wasn't even sure I could.
[ There's an earnestness glowing in his eyes, subdued by the depth of the moment but still managing to shine through. Tim really means it--Dick is special. He's always been the exception to the rule. ]
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Thanks, Tim. [ he sees the genuine adoration in Tim's eyes, and it amazes him how even just that loosens the knot in his chest. ] Didn't think I could, either. I always thought that everything else was priority, but with you...you make me realize what's important.
[ it's a promise that he intends to keep.
all his past relationships that fell apart because work was more important, because saving other people and relationships that were not his own were more important, even if it meant giving up his own love. as unexpected and shocking as it was to have Tim show up at his apartment, soaking wet and telling him it was okay to break up, it was what he needed to properly see what he was letting happen. ]
I don't ever want you to ever feel like I don't wanna be with you again, hm? So if you ever miss me, just call me, okay? I promise I'll pick up.
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He feels loved, and it's probably the best thing he's ever felt. Tim rewards him with another gentle kiss, a sweet little affection. But he's careful not to press the spot that made Dick flinch earlier. ]
Do you think I could stay the night? If you don't already have plans.
[ He doesn't really want to go back out to the pouring rain, his clothes probably aren't dry yet anyway. Though at this point he is genuinely debating stealing what Dick let him borrow. Getting to have some of his boyfriend's clothes makes the distance a little easier.
But he won't be angry if Dick has other things to do. Tim showed up out of no where, he's not so egotistical that he expects his boyfriend to drop everything. ]
Even if I just stay on the couch or something. I don't want to get all wet again.
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[ he smiles warmly, with a shake of his head. he's aware that Tim is trying to be courteous, and he appreciates it. he presses a kiss to Tim's lips. ]
I missed you. You're not getting away from me now.
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As it is he just smiled against those perfect lips and nods his head. Tim doesn't even realize that he's the one suggesting sleep at some point, so mark self care down as something that he improves on when Dick is around. ]
I just know it's rude to invite myself.
[ Janet always made sure that little Timmy minded his manners, he couldn't make her look bad. And, well, sometimes old habits die hard.
It's still a little early to go to bed, but he's content to snuggle to and share the same air with someone he cares so much about. Being like this washes away his insecurities and make everything just feel... better. ]
I'm all yours.
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[ even as he asks the question, he knows the answer. Tim doesnāt know it. Tim operated from a place of thinking he wasnāt wanted unless he was explicitly told so, or was providing something useful. Dick knew that from all the years of working with Tim, training him, and being part of the only family they now had. And somehow, he had been blind to it when it comes to their relationship.
he searches out Timās expression at that declaration of belonging, and brushes their noses together even as his smile turns a little sad at the thought. ]
Iām yours too. All of me, so you can come here whenever you want, Tim. Just know that you have an open invitation to my bed and my life.
[ he doesnāt normally like surprises, but where Tim is involved, things always seem to work a little differently. ]
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He'll work on it. ]
I'll probably still try to give you a heads up. To make sure you're actually home.
[ The grin he gives is a little sheepish, because immediately he thinks about his probability of hacking into Dick's security systems and getting in without him even there. Might be an interesting test, at some point. If Barbara helped at all they might be too advanced for even Tim.
Tim shakes that thought away and steals another kiss, can't seem to help himself. He's obsessed with the way Dick's lips feel against his own, soft and warm. Every little peck is a steady reminder that this is real, that this is one good thing he's allowed to have without feeling any guilt. No matter what his brain tried to convince him of sometimes. ]