farcry | anything can be taken from you.

[ Dick is content leaving it at that. the hospital bust took a lot out of them. it’s not entirely wrong. it’s that he should probably be in a hospital, but instead, he’s here with Jason, filling a familiar mug with coffee, then finding one of his in the cupboard too. ]

Here. [ he holds the coffee out, smile softening. ]

They have to all be under there somewhere, my memories. [ he sips his own coffee as he watches Jason cook. ] I just have to find a way to access them.

[ If Dick was looking very unsteady, or like he was about to pass out, Jason would make sure that he was fully resting. Even now, he's trying to keep it all calm and light. Nothing that could strain Dick in any kind of way. ]

Thanks.

[He takes the mug of coffee, leaning forward just slightly, almost about to kiss Dick, but he stops himself. He ducks his head a little, taking a sip, then sets it aside and goes back to making the eggs.]

I think-- if we keep doing things like this, you know? Talking about memories, replaying them, they'll come back. I can already tell little things have triggered your memories here and there, right?

[ he gives a nod when Jason thanks him, but reflexively stiffens ever so slightly when Jason leans in, like his body and mind aren't yet aligned yet. he forces himself to relax again when Jason goes back to the eggs. ]

Yeah. Kind of. It feels like...[ his eyes narrow ever so slightly in thought. ] remembering a dream, sometimes, where I don't have context to what's happening. But yeah, this is helping.

[ he smiles, more for Jason than himself. ] A year is a long time, though. I have to be okay with the possibility that I might never get it all back.

[ The absolute last thing he wants is to make Dick uncomfortable. Is to have him decide that he doesn't want to come back here. They're making progress and he's grateful for it, but he knows how tentative that can be. ]

Maybe that's how it is at first, yeah. Dream like things that can solidify into memories over time.

[He hopes. He really fucking hopes.]

I can help you with context for sure, whenever I can. If you talk, tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling-- I can help.

[As for the rest of it- even with the smile Dick gives him, he can still feel the knot in his stomach forming at those words.]

....Yeah. I know. Me too, but... if we can just try.

[ we, Jason says, like they're in this together, and it still catches him off guard how dedicated and loving that comes off. ]

Thanks. We'll try our hardest. [ his smile is a little more genuine now, as a sigh lifts his shoulders, though he can still feel it ache in his ribs. his hand curls around his mug on the countertop as he turns to face Jason fully. ]

Like I said, I'm prepared for this. I have a lot that documents the last year, so hopefully that'll all help, but no matter what happens to me, Jason, I want you to be okay. Everything that happened in the past between us--it all still happened. Even if I don't remember it all.

Edited 2024-03-19 22:52 (UTC)

[ No matter what, he doesn't think he could ever let go of that we now. He doesn't want to think about it getting that point, even if it's Dick's head right now.

He does nod at Dick's comment, but the knot is still there. The genuine smile does a lot to alleviate things though, and he smiles a little too, taking a sip of his coffee before he goes to grab some bread to put in the toaster, and grabs the scallions on the counter. ]

Prepared? You planned for something like this?

[He knows Dick mentioned it earlier, but it didn't exactly stick. Now he's thinking it over, though. If Dick has plans, that means he has counter measures and that's a good thing. ]

I know, but-- if you can't remember everything that happened between us, then...

[He trails off. It happened, but for one of them it doesn't feel like it did. Even if it still happened, he can't lean in for a good morning kiss, or curl his arms around Dick and hold him.]

[ The way Jason finds his way around the kitchen like he knows every nook and cranny is such a sight. Though it makes sense as to why, it still makes him watch, almost mesmerized at the domesticity of the whole thing. With Jason, of all people. ]

Yeah. Gotta plan for everything. Losing my memory isn’t all that unlikely. [ given all the possibilities of their lives, all the dangers, and all the ways things could go wrong. ]

If I can’t remember, that’s more reason for you to, hm? [ he smiles. ] I know it’s hard knowing we don’t have that anymore, at least, not right now, but I’m still happy it happened. I’m happy to see you like this.

[ A year ago, Jason would've called anyone crazy if they'd tell him about the domesticity of all this- but at the same time, deep down it's what he's always craved the most. He never imagined it with a side of being fucked in the head and having to come to San Fransisco, but it's alright.

He'll get back to working on that too. ]

I guess so, yeah. So-- you like, super documented everything? Is there anything else?

[There's something about the way Dick is watching him, something about his words, they pull Jason out of the impending melancholy feeling of it all. It still happened, and Dick is telling him he's happy it did. That means a lot to him, and his lips curl up in a small smile.]

See me like this? Like what, cooking you the best breakfast ever?

[He tries to lighten up as well, finally plating the eggs, grabbing the toast along with a fork and sliding Dick's plate over to him.]

[ Dick has never imagined it before either, hence why he’s staring a little, because as much as he’s forgotten the past year and everything is now new, he wants to make sure he’s hanging onto these moments and absorbing them. ]

Trackers. A lot of them. So I can trace my steps and pull up footage. But all that gives me—us—is what happened in the past year, not my memories. For that I have digital entries. I took audio and video recordings. Not of every day, but almost.

[ it’s hard to describe the kind of relief that floods his system seeing Jason smile like that, and it widens his own smile, a huff of laughter catching him off-guard. ]

Yeah—just… [ not trying to kill him. ] Less angry. Toward me, at least.

[ The thing is, this is new for them too. But maybe it means something that Dick can already feel how comfortable Jason is in it. ]

....Wow. Really? So-- you can see everywhere you've been, and your recordings fill in the details? Audio and video? What do you got on those?

[He wonders how much of the two of them Dick had recorded. In the past he might've been angry about it but right now he's fully intrigued.

His smile grows a little more. He's definitely less angry toward Dick.]

That was me fucked outta my head. Scared of it, too. This? This is me... in love with you.

[He says gently, a little nervous about it, but maybe the emotions with that can be another trigger.]

[ is it new? he doesn’t know, everything here feels like both a future and a past, but he seems to be able to turn around and find the cutlery. ]

Not so much the details, but more like highlights. And lowlights. They’re more like journal entries of things I didn’t want to forget. Sometimes it’s just me talking into a camera. If I did it when I had the mask on, it’ll have more than that. But I don’t know what I have. I’ll have to look.

[ he watches Jason when he smiles, feeling the way his heart picks up, then floods with a kind of warmth he can only describe as love when Jason says that.

it’s overwhelming. his fingers tighten around his mug to hold on to something. he has to take a breath in to loosen the clench in his chest. fuck. why does his throat feel tight, why do his eyes feel prickly? he swallows. ]

Yeah. I can tell. [ his smile softens before he turns away. ] Alright, come on. Let’s taste those eggs.

You really did prepare. Shit. I had no idea you even did all'a that. And that's like, your protocol to help you remember?

[Maybe he should have done that too. Then again, he's always struggled to try and forget the past so he didn't drown in it. Would he remember being with Dick if he lost that many memories? Fuck, he can't even think about that right now.

He's rather think about their memories together, and their shared words of love. There's a spark in Dick's eyes when Jason tells him he loves him- something deep and intsnse. It warms Jason too, because it very much seems like Dick can feel it. that makes it a little easier when Dick turns away. He just wants Dick to know. To feel it in the room with them.]

Hope you like em as much as you did the first time.

Edited 2024-03-20 02:39 (UTC)

[ it’s a whole different layer of paranoia that drives him to do things like that. sometimes, it’s the only thing that can calm his fear, the only thing that keeps him grounded, knowing he’s prepared for every worst case scenario. like this one.

he picks up the plates and takes them to the table, leaving the mugs for Jason. ]

I’m usually pretty truthful with food, so I’m sure I will. [ he knows they probably both have a positive association with people cooking them food, with the sort of domesticity neither of them really got to experience aside from with Alfred.

he sits at the table. ]

That’s part of it. The other part is looking through things like written entries, reports, texts, voicemails. Actually—that night I found you asleep on the couch, do you remember when that was? [ he could start chaining together events from there to build a timeline. ]

[ It's smart, though. It's very smart, and Jason supposes it's all the training engrained into them. Some of it wasn't good, but some of it was. If it helped Dick feel grounded all this time, then all the better, really.

Jason grabs the mugs and heads to the table, sitting down next to Dick. ]

Pretty truthful with food, huh? So you're telling me you for real like all the cauliflower kale shit?

[He snorts softly, trying to enjoy the ease of this now. He's still paying attention to how Dick might be feeling though. He should have grabbed some stronger painkillers from the hospital, but he's sure the Tower has what Dick will need.]

Yeah, I remember. It was less than a week ago- Monday night into Tuesday morning. You were at the Tower catching up on things. I had therapy that day. We were gonna meet up for dinner but you had to go take care of Nightwing things earlier than usual. By the time you were done is was real late but you still came over to sleep with me.

Yeah, [ a half huff of laughter in a hint of playful disbelief. ] I like it because it’s good for me. Keeps me healthy and feeling my best.

[ surprisingly, the pain is tolerable, but then again, he’s trained for this level of pain tolerance too. the broken bones are only fractures, and takes a back seat to the memory issues for now.

he listens intently as Jason fleshes out the details of the night, and takes a bite of the eggs. at which point he stops listening and lifts his brows, gaze dropping to his plate before lifting to Jason’s face again. the tip of his head is clearly impressed.

he’ll have to ask more about that night later, because for now, the most important thing is the eggs. ]

Wow. [ another bite. ] Where did you learn to make eggs like this?

Wow...you know what? I actually believe you.

[He absolutely didn't when he was younger, though.

Jason can tell when Dick absolutely phases out of their conversation, and he feels pretty alright about it because he's also very proud of his eggs. It's a high compliment to be distracted by them.

He smiles brightly, the light touching his eyes.]

Alfred.

...Bruce benched me so fucking often that I'd spend a lot of time with Alfred in the kitchen. He'd show me things and he loved how actually interested I was, so-- yeah. I've got some Alfred secrets up in here.

[He taps at his head, then digs in as well.]

[ even those words of agreement are surprising, although by now, maybe they shouldn’t be. if these are the kinds of conversations Jason is used to, it means they’re more on the same page about a lot of things now. even still, he just looks at Jason with a small smile. it’s—nice. ]

Alfred? [ surprise widens his eyes, even as his smile catches up to the way Jason’s brightens. he’s glad to hear about their relationship, and to know that Jason at least had Alfred when he was benched. ]

That’s a pretty good side effect, you know. I’m glad one of us got Alfred’s secrets. [ he takes another few bites of the eggs, eyes shutting with a soft pleased hum. ] Mm—didn’t realize how hungry I was.

[ They're more on the same page- Jason likes it too. These conversations feel a little more normal, even if Dick is still trying to catch up. ]

Alfred. He was the best of the best.

[Jason wishes he had more time with him. When Bruce sent him away, Jason lost that too. There was a lot going on that no one really realized. But that's all in the past now, and sitting here with Dick, he thinks of it fondly.]

Last time- when I first made them, you told me you'd have to spend more mornings here with me too-- because of the eggs, but I'm pretty sure it's also cause you really love my morning bedhead.

[ Dick nods to that. Alfred really was the best of the best, often a source of soothing patches to the stings Bruce landed. Dick took solace in the kitchen. ]

Did you ever talk to Alfred about getting benched by Bruce?

[ to Jason’s comment about his bed head, he laughs quietly, finding it so endearing, not just the bed head, but the way Jason jokes like this. ]

It is pretty cute. [ disarmingly so. what’s also disarming is the way Jason looks at him, shares these little things about them. ] But also just—seeing you like this. And seeing how much you care.

Nah, not really. Maybe once, but- I think he just wanted to get my mind off of it cause he saw how bad it was eating at me. Maybe we should've talked, though.

[ It's taken many years and many walls up that had to come down, but Jason's been trying to settle into himself, especially lately. Coming here to San Fransisco was necessary to help with that, but maybe living a normal life here has helped too. Having someone like Dick around, who loves him and who he loves back. Pieces from his life that have always been missing, he's starting to find.

That, and therapy. He should really call Leslie.

He laughs a little easier around Dick, though. He's able to be more himself than anywhere else.]

I care a lot. And... it's easy for me to be this way with you now. We've worked through some of our shit in a real good way.

[He really, really wishes Dick would remember, but it's nice to see Dick leaning into it anyway.]

Maybe, but Alfred's good at that. The whole communicating without actually talking thing. He had lots of practice. [ with Bruce and all and with each of their father-figures passing down the same set of coping mechanisms, with each of them giving it their own twist. Alfred's not perfect, either, but the years have softened his edges the same way Dick sees it happening with Bruce. ] It's never too late, you know.

[ there's that he still needs to understand still--just why Jason was here in San Francisco, and what all that conversation around Leslie is about. he takes a few more bites of breakfast and smiles at Jason, a bit of sadness creeping into his eyes. ]

That's really good. I'm glad. Jason, I'm sorry about this. It can't be easy for you, either.

Yeah, I bet he did. I know spending time with me- he was trying. You know me, I wasn't real big on opening up back then. I had to pretend it was all good, all the time. Nothing could get to me.

[Except it was the complete opposite. Every single thing got to him in such a dramatic way. He's calmed down since then though, even with all the stuff in his brain that drug incident triggered.

He's not sure how much Dick knows- read about why he's here in San Fransisco, but Jason would fill him in on that too. He wants to help, any way he can. When that sadness creeps in, Jason reached across to Dick, putting his hand on his arm for a moment.]

Don't worry about that, ok? You're alive and you're gonna be alright. You're not sitting here looking at me like you can't stand me, so- that's already a win.

'Cus it was terrifying, wasn't it? Even admitting it to yourself. Alfred was good about that, too. I'm sure he understood that much.

[ Dick understood it, too, but only on a good day where his own demons weren't creeping up in the back of his mind. ]

Like I can't stand you-- [ a wry laugh. ] I think that's the least I can do after you got me out of that hospital.

Yeah. It was. Really fucking terrifying. I'm sure he understood, but...all of that was building up over time.

[And got him to where he was all around, he's pretty sure. Being able to talk about it now is different, though.

Jason scoops some more eggs into his mouth, a small smirk of his own following.]

Well if anyone was gonna do it, you knew it had to be me. You're very fucking convincing, you know that?

[Even without his memories he knew exactly how to appeal to Jason.]

Yeah, I’m sure. We all do it, though. Alfred did, too. What changed for you? What made you see it so clearly like this?

[ Dick keeps his arm where it is with Jason’s hand settled on it, feeling grounded from the touch. and when Jason calls him out, he shakes his head ever so slightly. ]

I might, yeah. I’m glad it worked ‘cus I really wasn’t looking forward to getting through you, first. [ his grin widens. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

omg jasonnn so cuteee ahhhhh 😭😭😭🥺

Ugh he issss. They're both cute 🥺

they are 🥺

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

am sorry for dropping off the face of the earth

it's all good <3

no subject

ooc: Alfred's dead in Titans D: Unless. you wanna play that he's still alive? xD

NOPE, he should stay dead SORRY I FORGOT

xD

no subject