farcry | anything can be taken from you.

[ Jason stirs easily once Dick lets out that curse- as quiet as it is, Jason's the lightest of sleepers, even in exhaustion.

They've woken together on the couch like this before, so for a moment he forgets. He tilts his head, nuzzling into Dick's shoulder for a moment- sleeping words leaving his lips. ]

....Mmmnyou okay?

[And then, with those words, he remembers, his head lifting up quickly from Dick's shoulder to look at him, brows pinches just slightly.]

Shit- how are you feeling?

[ the memory slots into place as Jason's sleepy voice reaches his ears, soft in the quiet apartment, the hum more felt than heard. it's the way Jason presses into him affectionately that pulls the remembered morning into definition. after he'd decided to stay on the couch with Jason, after Jason waited up for him, the morning Jason made breakfast for him. the fluffiest eggs he's ever had.

it leaves him breathless, eyes widened as Jason lifts his head to look at him, concern etched on his face. ]

Fine. [ breathed out at the end of an exhale. ] I'm good. [ he even nods to make it more convincing as he looks around the apartment again. ] How long'd we sleep for?

[Jason catches that look. Breathless, wide eyed, concerned. His eyebrows go up a little- questioning and wondering.]

I think we slept all night.

[He wonders, if in the way he remembered that they weren't back where they were before this, if Dick rememebered something from before.]

....You remember something?

[ Dick's gaze finds Jason's again, and there's a kind of focus in his eyes that had been missing before, like he's finally able to wrap his mind around what's happened.

slowly, he sits up a little more, bringing Jason with him. he nods. ]

The morning you told me about earlier. When we woke up on the couch. That wasn't too long ago... right?

[Jason can see some clarity in Dick's eyes, and he sits up with him, looking immediately alert and ready to listen to whatever Dick has to tell him.

It's promising.]

Less than a week ago, yeah. It was starting to be a thing - you slipping away from the Tower so we could spend the night with each other.

[ Dick nods slowly, both accepting the fact that narrowing his eyes as it seems to make sense, though he doesn't quite remember all the events of the past week. but seeing Jason look at him with such hope fills him with it too, and there's the smallest smile that tugs on a corner of his mouth. ]

I do love fluffy eggs.

[ Last night was an absolute nightmare. Jason's head still aches with it. He's sure Dick's aches too, along with his wrist, his collar, his ribs. But this morning? It seems hopeful. Jason clings to that, especially when he sees the small smile. ]

They're real fluffy. Want me to make 'em for breakfast again?

[ his smile softens with that suggestion. he knows what Jason's trying to do. the technique of retracing steps to recall details, or review anything amiss is one he uses often, in and out of the field. why wouldn't it work here? ]

Yeah. I'd love some real fluffy eggs. And coffee. You slept okay? First bit in a while, right?

[There are some steps they can retrace, some they can't. Maybe he can't lay under Dick on the couch and have the most incredible morning sex, but he can share some time with Dick and make coffee and eggs, and settle into a similar morning thing. At least until Dick has to go.

He's sure he's got missed calls and texts on his phone that he'll have to deal with, but-- after. They both need this right now.]

And coffee. Definitely coffee. I slept pretty good, yeah. I always do when I'm with you.

[He hesitates for a moment before leaning in to drop a soft kiss against Dick's shoulder, then untangles from the blanket to get up.]

[ as Jason presses the kiss to his shoulder, Dick's mind goes to the same place. he has a brief flicker of curiosity, wondering just how sex with Jason is. what's Jason like with all these layers stripped away, beneath or above him, reduced to passion and wanting?

Jason had called it making love. what's that like? then, Jason's pulling away and getting up, and Dick does the same, slowly and tenderly, gingerly twisting his torso before wincing. too soon. so he's stiff as he stands and follows Jason to the kitchen. ]

Do you always sleep better when there's someone else around?

[ Jason hopes Dick will want to indulge in filling that curiosity sooner rather than later, but he knows that's just wishful thinking. He can't push it, and he doesn't want to.

It very much was making love, though. Not just sex, not just fucking. ]

You're the only person who has ever been around, so...

[He laughs softly as he heads to the kitchen and starts making coffee. He adds an extra scoop the way Dick likes it, then starts pulling out what he needs from the fridge.]

I wouldn't be able to sleep well with anyone I didn't completely trust, though. So I think it's specifically you.

[ it certainly feels like it's a thought being amplified. it's not like he's never though of Jason in that way before--he's not blind. this isn't the first time he's remembering noticing just how attractive Jason is, but he's never felt it to this degree before.

he sticks close to Jason, leaning against the counter to watch him. he nods. ]

Yeah. I get it. [ a small smile. ] I'm like that too, and I slept well too.

[ Jason tries to go about doing things exactly the same as that morning. Of course the conversation is different, but that's alright. He lays the ingredients out on the counter the same way, uses the same color bowl to crack the eggs into. He smiles when Dick leans agains the counter to watch him, kind of in the same way he did that morning as well. Muscle memory, maybe. ]

Yeah? Even in the jacket?

[He reaches out, tugging lightly at Dick's sleeve. He didn't change last night, and Jason had wanted to suggest it now, but he also didn't want Dick to miss any of this. After breakfast they showered, too.]

Maybe after we eat you can shower if you want to. You've got a couple changes of clothes here.

[ he watches Jason’s movements and picks up on how deliberate they are, and for a moment, everything suddenly feels familiar. the image of the ingredients laid out like that, the colour of the bowl.

he’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t answer right away, only stands there, eyes slightly narrowed. ]

Yeah…[ a single shouldered shrug as he considers Jason, the way he pulls in to tug Dick’s sleeve, a simple gesture that’s so intimate in a way. ] Guess I was really tired. A shower and a change of clothes sounds really good, though.

[ the coffee finishes filtering and Dick reaches over to a cabinet, opening it to find the mugs. his hand pauses mid-air while picking up one of the mugs. it must mean something that he picked the right cabinet, right? ]

Is this the one you like to use?

[ It's good that Dick is watching, and Jason feels good about this too- starting out with some sort of routine. Having Dick here with him, despite everything. He feels like he can center himself like this too, which feels so very different from everything at the hospital last night.

He thought he was going to lose everything, and now it's all still here. ]

We both passed out real quick. Our hospital bust took a lot outta both of us, I think.

[Not just that, he knows it, but he's trying to keep things light. Of course he's here to talk about whatever Dick wants to talk about, though. In the meantime, he adds some seasoning, then heats a pan on the stove before adding the eggs.

When Dick goes to the cabinet, Jason's eyes trail him, surprised when he opens the right cabinet. Even more so when he pulls out the right mug, and he smiles softly at him, nodding.]

Yeah, that's the one. You remembered.

[ Dick is content leaving it at that. the hospital bust took a lot out of them. it’s not entirely wrong. it’s that he should probably be in a hospital, but instead, he’s here with Jason, filling a familiar mug with coffee, then finding one of his in the cupboard too. ]

Here. [ he holds the coffee out, smile softening. ]

They have to all be under there somewhere, my memories. [ he sips his own coffee as he watches Jason cook. ] I just have to find a way to access them.

[ If Dick was looking very unsteady, or like he was about to pass out, Jason would make sure that he was fully resting. Even now, he's trying to keep it all calm and light. Nothing that could strain Dick in any kind of way. ]

Thanks.

[He takes the mug of coffee, leaning forward just slightly, almost about to kiss Dick, but he stops himself. He ducks his head a little, taking a sip, then sets it aside and goes back to making the eggs.]

I think-- if we keep doing things like this, you know? Talking about memories, replaying them, they'll come back. I can already tell little things have triggered your memories here and there, right?

[ he gives a nod when Jason thanks him, but reflexively stiffens ever so slightly when Jason leans in, like his body and mind aren't yet aligned yet. he forces himself to relax again when Jason goes back to the eggs. ]

Yeah. Kind of. It feels like...[ his eyes narrow ever so slightly in thought. ] remembering a dream, sometimes, where I don't have context to what's happening. But yeah, this is helping.

[ he smiles, more for Jason than himself. ] A year is a long time, though. I have to be okay with the possibility that I might never get it all back.

[ The absolute last thing he wants is to make Dick uncomfortable. Is to have him decide that he doesn't want to come back here. They're making progress and he's grateful for it, but he knows how tentative that can be. ]

Maybe that's how it is at first, yeah. Dream like things that can solidify into memories over time.

[He hopes. He really fucking hopes.]

I can help you with context for sure, whenever I can. If you talk, tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling-- I can help.

[As for the rest of it- even with the smile Dick gives him, he can still feel the knot in his stomach forming at those words.]

....Yeah. I know. Me too, but... if we can just try.

[ we, Jason says, like they're in this together, and it still catches him off guard how dedicated and loving that comes off. ]

Thanks. We'll try our hardest. [ his smile is a little more genuine now, as a sigh lifts his shoulders, though he can still feel it ache in his ribs. his hand curls around his mug on the countertop as he turns to face Jason fully. ]

Like I said, I'm prepared for this. I have a lot that documents the last year, so hopefully that'll all help, but no matter what happens to me, Jason, I want you to be okay. Everything that happened in the past between us--it all still happened. Even if I don't remember it all.

Edited 2024-03-19 22:52 (UTC)

[ No matter what, he doesn't think he could ever let go of that we now. He doesn't want to think about it getting that point, even if it's Dick's head right now.

He does nod at Dick's comment, but the knot is still there. The genuine smile does a lot to alleviate things though, and he smiles a little too, taking a sip of his coffee before he goes to grab some bread to put in the toaster, and grabs the scallions on the counter. ]

Prepared? You planned for something like this?

[He knows Dick mentioned it earlier, but it didn't exactly stick. Now he's thinking it over, though. If Dick has plans, that means he has counter measures and that's a good thing. ]

I know, but-- if you can't remember everything that happened between us, then...

[He trails off. It happened, but for one of them it doesn't feel like it did. Even if it still happened, he can't lean in for a good morning kiss, or curl his arms around Dick and hold him.]

[ The way Jason finds his way around the kitchen like he knows every nook and cranny is such a sight. Though it makes sense as to why, it still makes him watch, almost mesmerized at the domesticity of the whole thing. With Jason, of all people. ]

Yeah. Gotta plan for everything. Losing my memory isn’t all that unlikely. [ given all the possibilities of their lives, all the dangers, and all the ways things could go wrong. ]

If I can’t remember, that’s more reason for you to, hm? [ he smiles. ] I know it’s hard knowing we don’t have that anymore, at least, not right now, but I’m still happy it happened. I’m happy to see you like this.

[ A year ago, Jason would've called anyone crazy if they'd tell him about the domesticity of all this- but at the same time, deep down it's what he's always craved the most. He never imagined it with a side of being fucked in the head and having to come to San Fransisco, but it's alright.

He'll get back to working on that too. ]

I guess so, yeah. So-- you like, super documented everything? Is there anything else?

[There's something about the way Dick is watching him, something about his words, they pull Jason out of the impending melancholy feeling of it all. It still happened, and Dick is telling him he's happy it did. That means a lot to him, and his lips curl up in a small smile.]

See me like this? Like what, cooking you the best breakfast ever?

[He tries to lighten up as well, finally plating the eggs, grabbing the toast along with a fork and sliding Dick's plate over to him.]

[ Dick has never imagined it before either, hence why he’s staring a little, because as much as he’s forgotten the past year and everything is now new, he wants to make sure he’s hanging onto these moments and absorbing them. ]

Trackers. A lot of them. So I can trace my steps and pull up footage. But all that gives me—us—is what happened in the past year, not my memories. For that I have digital entries. I took audio and video recordings. Not of every day, but almost.

[ it’s hard to describe the kind of relief that floods his system seeing Jason smile like that, and it widens his own smile, a huff of laughter catching him off-guard. ]

Yeah—just… [ not trying to kill him. ] Less angry. Toward me, at least.

[ The thing is, this is new for them too. But maybe it means something that Dick can already feel how comfortable Jason is in it. ]

....Wow. Really? So-- you can see everywhere you've been, and your recordings fill in the details? Audio and video? What do you got on those?

[He wonders how much of the two of them Dick had recorded. In the past he might've been angry about it but right now he's fully intrigued.

His smile grows a little more. He's definitely less angry toward Dick.]

That was me fucked outta my head. Scared of it, too. This? This is me... in love with you.

[He says gently, a little nervous about it, but maybe the emotions with that can be another trigger.]

<3

phew busy weekend

hopefully good busy!

yesss an amazing bottomless brunch and long hike in the snow c:

Omg that sounds fantastic!

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