[ maybe it is all in his head. maybe it’s him looking at Jason and not knowing what all this is built on, disappointed in himself that the spark of a memory hadn’t brought it all back.
but it’s never that easy, and Jason doesn’t deserve for him to be projecting it back, taking it out on him.
his hand drops when Jason’s lifts away. ]
Thanks. And yeah. Of course. [ he tries for a tense smile. ]
Stay wherever you want. [ he almost offers the spot next to him on the couch, though, but he’s honestly not sure how he’ll handle what comes back to him. ]
[ It's not a glowing endorsement for Jason to stay, but it's good enough for now. Jason figures if this is his only time with Dick before he goes back to the Tower for good, he doesn't want to waste it. He wants to stay close for as long as he can. He doesn't think it'll bother Dick. At least, he hopes not.
The tense smile is noted, so he figures he shouldn't stay too close. Just on the periphery. Just like he was before. Kind of orbiting Dick in some way, but never too close.
Rachel's words still ring in his head.
He tries to shove them away, moving forward to grab Dick's laptop to hand it over to him, then settles on the couch, not in the spot right next to him, but on the other side- stretching out a little. ]
[ Dick takes the laptop with his good hand when Jason hands it to him, flipping it open immediately as Jason settles on the couch. he unlocks it and looks at Jason stretching out at the same time, gaze flicking down, having already accepted it.
then Jason asks him if it’s okay, and he’s looking up again, lost on what Jason’s asking about before he catches up. he hadn’t even thought twice about it. ]
Yeah. [ another smile, tense and polite, impersonal, almost. this must be how it was with Jason before. he can imagine himself hanging out on this couch, reviewing files or prepping briefings, doing research with Jason stretched out, doing his own thing. they’d sit in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company.
at least, he’d hope they had had that, if he had been as happy as he was seeing Jason sleeping, wrapped up in this blanket. it felt genuine. happier than he’d been in a long time. all gone. just like that.
he looks back down to the laptop and takes a slow breath. he open his file structure.
where to even start? ]
Try closing your eyes. At least try to get some sleep.
[It all feels so familiar to him, but he can tell how impersonal it feels for Dick. He tries not to let it get to him though. It'll take time. Maybe Dick will remember something again, if they settle into how they've been while spending time here.
He gives Dick a small smile too, then tries to relax like he had before. Dick would be happy to know that they really did sit in comfortable silence, doing their own thing.
Even with all this, he can't hold back the soft laugh, when Dick tells him to close his eyes. Even with his attention on the screen he's aware of Jason, and that's how it was before, too. It's familiar. It's nice.]
Okay, okay. Closing my eyes.
[And he actually does, stretching one leg out a little more to press against Dick's leg. Just a little contact to help him calm his mind.]
[ Dick looks over when Jason says he closes his eyes, just to make sure he actually does. the warm press of Jason’s leg to the outside of his feels familiar, as does the way Jason looks, stretched out like this.
he ends up smiling about it, finally feeling a little more grounded now that Jason’s settled down beside him too.
the texts are easier to browse through his laptop, as are the photos on his phone and his system. he continues scrolling through things in backwards chronological order, relying on his organization structure to link similar items together.
he gets lost in it. he doesn’t know for how long, but he’s reading a particularly long description of a nightclub investigation when his eyes start shutting. his attention finally starts fraying and he blinks a couple times to stay awake, fighting it.
not long after that, his breathing evens out with the laptop still propped open on one leg bent over the other, his head tipped, cheek pressed into the cushions, in a deep sleep. ]
[ Jason does his best to settle down, to settle into this. It helps incredibly when he can feel Dick settling down too- calming down to do his work, like he's done before.
Eventually Jason does doze off, feeling comfortable enough now that they're both just here. He doens't want to waste any of his time with Dick, but he's exhausted.
Eventually he does stir though, glancing over at Dick. For a moment it feels like nothing has changed at all, and he wants to stay with that feeling so badly. He smiles softly, sitting up to move the laptop onto the coffee table, then pulls the blanket down around Dick. Maybe he should move him to the bedroom, but he's worried that if he does, Dick won't want to sleep again. Instead he settles in against his side and closes his eyes once again, pulling the blanket around both of them. ]
[ even in his sleep, Dick feels a warmth envelop him and he curls toward it, an arm reaching out to curl around Jason when he tucks in close to his side. his head tips to rest against Jason.
a peaceful sigh breathes out as he settles again. ]
Definitely not wrap, they still have so much to go ;__; we can ff them to waking up though?
[ It's easy to fall asleep like this. So much easier, it's almost maddening. Jason's never been good at sleeping, all his life, and then especially after the nightmares increased- but being with Dick, it always helps.
So he falls asleep as well, wishing that when they wake up, things could go back to the way they were before today, but knowing deep down they won't be.]
[ Dick isn't sure of much when he wakes up, blinking slowly to the low lighting of the space. he lifts his head just enough to look around and squints at the way his mind whirrs, like a laggy engine that hasn't started in a long time. sleep grips him hard, making him feel like his whole body is sunken into the couch, weighed down by something.
weighed down by--Jason? he looks down and sees the curls against his shoulder, the long lashes laying thick against smooth skin, full lips, slightly parted in sleep. slowly, he takes in a breath as the memories come rushing back. they're all jumbled. multiple similar images, events, scenarios, merging with very little definition, widening his eyes as he tries to catch up and hang on.
Jason, pressed to his sofa cushion, face down, propped on his arm looking--hurt? wincing while Dick is upset at something. stitching Jason up. no--Jason stitching him up but in a dark tunnel. Jason's dark lashes, eyes shut and head tipped back, mouth parted around his name. his name, shakily exhaled in Jason's voice but tears clinging to Jason's cheeks as Dick holds him tight like he's holding Jason together with the same weight pressed to his body now.
he shuts his eyes tight against the onslaught, a grunt catching his breath in his throat as he raises a hand to his own head. but it's the wrong hand, and he can't bend his wrist. he breathes out a quiet curse. ]
[ Jason stirs easily once Dick lets out that curse- as quiet as it is, Jason's the lightest of sleepers, even in exhaustion.
They've woken together on the couch like this before, so for a moment he forgets. He tilts his head, nuzzling into Dick's shoulder for a moment- sleeping words leaving his lips. ]
....Mmmnyou okay?
[And then, with those words, he remembers, his head lifting up quickly from Dick's shoulder to look at him, brows pinches just slightly.]
[ the memory slots into place as Jason's sleepy voice reaches his ears, soft in the quiet apartment, the hum more felt than heard. it's the way Jason presses into him affectionately that pulls the remembered morning into definition. after he'd decided to stay on the couch with Jason, after Jason waited up for him, the morning Jason made breakfast for him. the fluffiest eggs he's ever had.
it leaves him breathless, eyes widened as Jason lifts his head to look at him, concern etched on his face. ]
Fine. [ breathed out at the end of an exhale. ] I'm good. [ he even nods to make it more convincing as he looks around the apartment again. ] How long'd we sleep for?
[ Dick's gaze finds Jason's again, and there's a kind of focus in his eyes that had been missing before, like he's finally able to wrap his mind around what's happened.
slowly, he sits up a little more, bringing Jason with him. he nods. ]
The morning you told me about earlier. When we woke up on the couch. That wasn't too long ago... right?
[ Dick nods slowly, both accepting the fact that narrowing his eyes as it seems to make sense, though he doesn't quite remember all the events of the past week. but seeing Jason look at him with such hope fills him with it too, and there's the smallest smile that tugs on a corner of his mouth. ]
[ Last night was an absolute nightmare. Jason's head still aches with it. He's sure Dick's aches too, along with his wrist, his collar, his ribs. But this morning? It seems hopeful. Jason clings to that, especially when he sees the small smile. ]
They're real fluffy. Want me to make 'em for breakfast again?
[ his smile softens with that suggestion. he knows what Jason's trying to do. the technique of retracing steps to recall details, or review anything amiss is one he uses often, in and out of the field. why wouldn't it work here? ]
Yeah. I'd love some real fluffy eggs. And coffee. You slept okay? First bit in a while, right?
[There are some steps they can retrace, some they can't. Maybe he can't lay under Dick on the couch and have the most incredible morning sex, but he can share some time with Dick and make coffee and eggs, and settle into a similar morning thing. At least until Dick has to go.
He's sure he's got missed calls and texts on his phone that he'll have to deal with, but-- after. They both need this right now.]
And coffee. Definitely coffee. I slept pretty good, yeah. I always do when I'm with you.
[He hesitates for a moment before leaning in to drop a soft kiss against Dick's shoulder, then untangles from the blanket to get up.]
[ as Jason presses the kiss to his shoulder, Dick's mind goes to the same place. he has a brief flicker of curiosity, wondering just how sex with Jason is. what's Jason like with all these layers stripped away, beneath or above him, reduced to passion and wanting?
Jason had called it making love. what's that like? then, Jason's pulling away and getting up, and Dick does the same, slowly and tenderly, gingerly twisting his torso before wincing. too soon. so he's stiff as he stands and follows Jason to the kitchen. ]
Do you always sleep better when there's someone else around?
[ Jason hopes Dick will want to indulge in filling that curiosity sooner rather than later, but he knows that's just wishful thinking. He can't push it, and he doesn't want to.
It very much was making love, though. Not just sex, not just fucking. ]
You're the only person who has ever been around, so...
[He laughs softly as he heads to the kitchen and starts making coffee. He adds an extra scoop the way Dick likes it, then starts pulling out what he needs from the fridge.]
I wouldn't be able to sleep well with anyone I didn't completely trust, though. So I think it's specifically you.
[ it certainly feels like it's a thought being amplified. it's not like he's never though of Jason in that way before--he's not blind. this isn't the first time he's remembering noticing just how attractive Jason is, but he's never felt it to this degree before.
he sticks close to Jason, leaning against the counter to watch him. he nods. ]
Yeah. I get it. [ a small smile. ] I'm like that too, and I slept well too.
[ Jason tries to go about doing things exactly the same as that morning. Of course the conversation is different, but that's alright. He lays the ingredients out on the counter the same way, uses the same color bowl to crack the eggs into. He smiles when Dick leans agains the counter to watch him, kind of in the same way he did that morning as well. Muscle memory, maybe. ]
Yeah? Even in the jacket?
[He reaches out, tugging lightly at Dick's sleeve. He didn't change last night, and Jason had wanted to suggest it now, but he also didn't want Dick to miss any of this. After breakfast they showered, too.]
Maybe after we eat you can shower if you want to. You've got a couple changes of clothes here.
[ he watches Jason’s movements and picks up on how deliberate they are, and for a moment, everything suddenly feels familiar. the image of the ingredients laid out like that, the colour of the bowl.
he’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t answer right away, only stands there, eyes slightly narrowed. ]
Yeah…[ a single shouldered shrug as he considers Jason, the way he pulls in to tug Dick’s sleeve, a simple gesture that’s so intimate in a way. ] Guess I was really tired. A shower and a change of clothes sounds really good, though.
[ the coffee finishes filtering and Dick reaches over to a cabinet, opening it to find the mugs. his hand pauses mid-air while picking up one of the mugs. it must mean something that he picked the right cabinet, right? ]
[ It's good that Dick is watching, and Jason feels good about this too- starting out with some sort of routine. Having Dick here with him, despite everything. He feels like he can center himself like this too, which feels so very different from everything at the hospital last night.
He thought he was going to lose everything, and now it's all still here. ]
We both passed out real quick. Our hospital bust took a lot outta both of us, I think.
[Not just that, he knows it, but he's trying to keep things light. Of course he's here to talk about whatever Dick wants to talk about, though. In the meantime, he adds some seasoning, then heats a pan on the stove before adding the eggs.
When Dick goes to the cabinet, Jason's eyes trail him, surprised when he opens the right cabinet. Even more so when he pulls out the right mug, and he smiles softly at him, nodding.]
[ Dick is content leaving it at that. the hospital bust took a lot out of them. it’s not entirely wrong. it’s that he should probably be in a hospital, but instead, he’s here with Jason, filling a familiar mug with coffee, then finding one of his in the cupboard too. ]
Here. [ he holds the coffee out, smile softening. ]
They have to all be under there somewhere, my memories. [ he sips his own coffee as he watches Jason cook. ] I just have to find a way to access them.
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but it’s never that easy, and Jason doesn’t deserve for him to be projecting it back, taking it out on him.
his hand drops when Jason’s lifts away. ]
Thanks. And yeah. Of course. [ he tries for a tense smile. ]
Stay wherever you want. [ he almost offers the spot next to him on the couch, though, but he’s honestly not sure how he’ll handle what comes back to him. ]
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The tense smile is noted, so he figures he shouldn't stay too close. Just on the periphery. Just like he was before. Kind of orbiting Dick in some way, but never too close.
Rachel's words still ring in his head.
He tries to shove them away, moving forward to grab Dick's laptop to hand it over to him, then settles on the couch, not in the spot right next to him, but on the other side- stretching out a little. ]
This ok?
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then Jason asks him if it’s okay, and he’s looking up again, lost on what Jason’s asking about before he catches up. he hadn’t even thought twice about it. ]
Yeah. [ another smile, tense and polite, impersonal, almost. this must be how it was with Jason before. he can imagine himself hanging out on this couch, reviewing files or prepping briefings, doing research with Jason stretched out, doing his own thing. they’d sit in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company.
at least, he’d hope they had had that, if he had been as happy as he was seeing Jason sleeping, wrapped up in this blanket. it felt genuine. happier than he’d been in a long time. all gone. just like that.
he looks back down to the laptop and takes a slow breath. he open his file structure.
where to even start? ]
Try closing your eyes. At least try to get some sleep.
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He gives Dick a small smile too, then tries to relax like he had before. Dick would be happy to know that they really did sit in comfortable silence, doing their own thing.
Even with all this, he can't hold back the soft laugh, when Dick tells him to close his eyes. Even with his attention on the screen he's aware of Jason, and that's how it was before, too. It's familiar. It's nice.]
Okay, okay. Closing my eyes.
[And he actually does, stretching one leg out a little more to press against Dick's leg. Just a little contact to help him calm his mind.]
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he ends up smiling about it, finally feeling a little more grounded now that Jason’s settled down beside him too.
the texts are easier to browse through his laptop, as are the photos on his phone and his system. he continues scrolling through things in backwards chronological order, relying on his organization structure to link similar items together.
he gets lost in it. he doesn’t know for how long, but he’s reading a particularly long description of a nightclub investigation when his eyes start shutting. his attention finally starts fraying and he blinks a couple times to stay awake, fighting it.
not long after that, his breathing evens out with the laptop still propped open on one leg bent over the other, his head tipped, cheek pressed into the cushions, in a deep sleep. ]
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Eventually Jason does doze off, feeling comfortable enough now that they're both just here. He doens't want to waste any of his time with Dick, but he's exhausted.
Eventually he does stir though, glancing over at Dick. For a moment it feels like nothing has changed at all, and he wants to stay with that feeling so badly. He smiles softly, sitting up to move the laptop onto the coffee table, then pulls the blanket down around Dick. Maybe he should move him to the bedroom, but he's worried that if he does, Dick won't want to sleep again. Instead he settles in against his side and closes his eyes once again, pulling the blanket around both of them. ]
Should we wrap or ff this one? :)
a peaceful sigh breathes out as he settles again. ]
Definitely not wrap, they still have so much to go ;__; we can ff them to waking up though?
So he falls asleep as well, wishing that when they wake up, things could go back to the way they were before today, but knowing deep down they won't be.]
yaaa
weighed down by--Jason? he looks down and sees the curls against his shoulder, the long lashes laying thick against smooth skin, full lips, slightly parted in sleep. slowly, he takes in a breath as the memories come rushing back. they're all jumbled. multiple similar images, events, scenarios, merging with very little definition, widening his eyes as he tries to catch up and hang on.
Jason, pressed to his sofa cushion, face down, propped on his arm looking--hurt? wincing while Dick is upset at something. stitching Jason up. no--Jason stitching him up but in a dark tunnel. Jason's dark lashes, eyes shut and head tipped back, mouth parted around his name. his name, shakily exhaled in Jason's voice but tears clinging to Jason's cheeks as Dick holds him tight like he's holding Jason together with the same weight pressed to his body now.
he shuts his eyes tight against the onslaught, a grunt catching his breath in his throat as he raises a hand to his own head. but it's the wrong hand, and he can't bend his wrist. he breathes out a quiet curse. ]
F--uck. [ it's okay. it's okay. ]
<3
They've woken together on the couch like this before, so for a moment he forgets. He tilts his head, nuzzling into Dick's shoulder for a moment- sleeping words leaving his lips. ]
....Mmmnyou okay?
[And then, with those words, he remembers, his head lifting up quickly from Dick's shoulder to look at him, brows pinches just slightly.]
Shit- how are you feeling?
phew busy weekend
it leaves him breathless, eyes widened as Jason lifts his head to look at him, concern etched on his face. ]
Fine. [ breathed out at the end of an exhale. ] I'm good. [ he even nods to make it more convincing as he looks around the apartment again. ] How long'd we sleep for?
hopefully good busy!
I think we slept all night.
[He wonders, if in the way he remembered that they weren't back where they were before this, if Dick rememebered something from before.]
....You remember something?
yesss an amazing bottomless brunch and long hike in the snow c:
slowly, he sits up a little more, bringing Jason with him. he nods. ]
The morning you told me about earlier. When we woke up on the couch. That wasn't too long ago... right?
Omg that sounds fantastic!
It's promising.]
Less than a week ago, yeah. It was starting to be a thing - you slipping away from the Tower so we could spend the night with each other.
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I do love fluffy eggs.
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They're real fluffy. Want me to make 'em for breakfast again?
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Yeah. I'd love some real fluffy eggs. And coffee. You slept okay? First bit in a while, right?
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He's sure he's got missed calls and texts on his phone that he'll have to deal with, but-- after. They both need this right now.]
And coffee. Definitely coffee. I slept pretty good, yeah. I always do when I'm with you.
[He hesitates for a moment before leaning in to drop a soft kiss against Dick's shoulder, then untangles from the blanket to get up.]
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Jason had called it making love. what's that like? then, Jason's pulling away and getting up, and Dick does the same, slowly and tenderly, gingerly twisting his torso before wincing. too soon. so he's stiff as he stands and follows Jason to the kitchen. ]
Do you always sleep better when there's someone else around?
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It very much was making love, though. Not just sex, not just fucking. ]
You're the only person who has ever been around, so...
[He laughs softly as he heads to the kitchen and starts making coffee. He adds an extra scoop the way Dick likes it, then starts pulling out what he needs from the fridge.]
I wouldn't be able to sleep well with anyone I didn't completely trust, though. So I think it's specifically you.
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he sticks close to Jason, leaning against the counter to watch him. he nods. ]
Yeah. I get it. [ a small smile. ] I'm like that too, and I slept well too.
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Yeah? Even in the jacket?
[He reaches out, tugging lightly at Dick's sleeve. He didn't change last night, and Jason had wanted to suggest it now, but he also didn't want Dick to miss any of this. After breakfast they showered, too.]
Maybe after we eat you can shower if you want to. You've got a couple changes of clothes here.
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he’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t answer right away, only stands there, eyes slightly narrowed. ]
Yeah…[ a single shouldered shrug as he considers Jason, the way he pulls in to tug Dick’s sleeve, a simple gesture that’s so intimate in a way. ] Guess I was really tired. A shower and a change of clothes sounds really good, though.
[ the coffee finishes filtering and Dick reaches over to a cabinet, opening it to find the mugs. his hand pauses mid-air while picking up one of the mugs. it must mean something that he picked the right cabinet, right? ]
Is this the one you like to use?
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He thought he was going to lose everything, and now it's all still here. ]
We both passed out real quick. Our hospital bust took a lot outta both of us, I think.
[Not just that, he knows it, but he's trying to keep things light. Of course he's here to talk about whatever Dick wants to talk about, though. In the meantime, he adds some seasoning, then heats a pan on the stove before adding the eggs.
When Dick goes to the cabinet, Jason's eyes trail him, surprised when he opens the right cabinet. Even more so when he pulls out the right mug, and he smiles softly at him, nodding.]
Yeah, that's the one. You remembered.
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Here. [ he holds the coffee out, smile softening. ]
They have to all be under there somewhere, my memories. [ he sips his own coffee as he watches Jason cook. ] I just have to find a way to access them.
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omg jasonnn so cuteee ahhhhh 😭😭😭🥺
Ugh he issss. They're both cute 🥺
they are 🥺
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am sorry for dropping off the face of the earth
it's all good <3
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ooc: Alfred's dead in Titans D: Unless. you wanna play that he's still alive? xD
NOPE, he should stay dead SORRY I FORGOT
xD
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ok lmk if this is a good amount of ff!
yeah it's good!
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Shall we wrap?! :)))
yeah ;____;