farcry | anything can be taken from you.

[ He doesn't even hear her. Not until he's done puking his guts out-aside from the fact that there's hardly anything in him to puke out. It's more of a sob really, and then he finally realizes she is there, but he doesn't even have it in him to feel embarrassed.

Still, he wipes the fresh tears from his eyes, leaning back against the wall. He tries to steady his breathing as well, but that part's almost impossible. He looks at the bottle of water Rachel holds out to him and god, he fucking wishes it were something stronger. In this moment he remembers very vividly why he took those drugs. It wasn't as much anger as anguish, and the absolute need to get rid of what was going on inside of him.

He feels like he's gonna fall all over again.

He takes the water, but he doesn't drink from it just yet. ]

I was supposed to-- I gotta ask the nurse. The doctor... he wants to know when he can be discharged. I told him I'd ask.

[ Jason looks so, so sad, almost as bad as he did when Dick hadn’t woken up yet, like his whole world had crumbled beneath his feet. she lets go of the bottle when he takes it, her own expression tired and worried. ]

Okay… I can ask for him instead, if you need a minute to just… [ she doesn’t even know what to say, what Jason needs. ] Jason, he’s awake now. Dick’s awake.

[ Jason nods numbly, suddenly feeling so out of place here. Like he doesn't belong, all over again. That thought alone makes him want to disappear and just get wasted out of his head. No one will care. No one will look for him or expect him to be back at his place. No one will wonder why he's not there. ]

Yeah, I know. That's good.... I told him he needs to get some rest. He's gonna try to sleep.

[He wipes at his eyes, then finally opens the water and takes a long sip.]

There's a lot he doesn't remember.

He doesn’t… remember? [ Rachel frowns, the worry deepening the more Jason speaks.

what’s also worrying is how lost Jason looks, but it had been so long since she last saw him, she can’t even say if that’s a new thing for him. regardless, it makes her feel concerned for Jason. ]

But he just woke up, right? Isn’t that sorta normal, like when people pass out? What didn’t he remember?

[ Maybe he really has looked lost for a long time- except for his time with Dick. Rachel really wouldn't know though, would she. Except for the last time she saw him before this was when she was screaming in his face, and he was desperately telling them that he didn't do it. He was crying then too.

Ans now here he is again, falling apart. When is he ever going to get it right?]

Yeah, maybe it's just that. Maybe it's the stress of it all.

[He doesn't remember us being together. Of falling in love, he wants to say, but without Dick's confirmation, he's not even sure if she'll believe it, or just laugh in his face.]

If he gets discharged are you gonna take him back to the tower?

Edited 2024-03-06 01:49 (UTC)

[ they turned on him that time, when everything in the tower was falling apart and Dick wasn’t there to hold it together. Jason had suffered the brunt of it then, too, when she had lashed out at him with no evidence, prioritizing her own fear and pain over all else.

he had made fun of her from the very beginning, found all her soft spots and called her a freak in every way he could. he was trained by Batman, way better than them at everything Dick wanted. he didn’t hold back on making that known either. she gets that they were kids who didn’t know any better, but it doesn’t make it okay. doesn’t make what she did to him back okay.

now, Jason looks so alone, like whatever happened to Dick took away the only thing he was here for. Dick brought him here, Jason had told her, and now after what she said about something bad happening, he thinks this is his fault. if there really is something more going on between them, like Jason had started to show, then she can’t imagine how he must be feeling right now.]

I think that might be where he’ll want to go. I don’t know how he’s gonna get discharged though if he doesn’t remember… [ she trails off, thinking about all the strings Dick has at his disposal. ]

You’re staying close to the tower though, right? He’s been visiting you? If you don’t wanna visit the tower, maybe you could ask him to see you there? When he feels okay enough to?

[ Jason tried as best he could. He really did. He only broke down when Rachel attacked him with her powers- wanted to kill him, really, and then all hell broke loose. They were kids though, and Jason had so much he wanted to prove to everyone around him. He hated himself so much. He's never stopped hating himself.

He's been trying now too though. So fucking much. He knows he shouldn't hinge everything on Dick and they both swore he wouldn't, but right now it really does feel like it. Rachel's right. He feels like he's alone, and what happened to Dick took away the only thing he was here for.]

Yeah... I'm sure that's where he'll wanna go.

[Cause he doesn't remember the place they're staying in together- or where Dick was visiting. Whatever it is. Jason feels like he won't see Dick once he leaves the hospital, and his heart squeezes again.]

I told him he needs to stay here longer so they can make sure he's alright. Check over everything- especially his memory. I know he's gonna wanna bolt outta here first chance he gets, though.

[Rachel brings up his place, and he shrugs.]

I don't think he's gonna wanna do that. It's ok. He should be where he's comfortable. He's gotta heal up. I'll just...

[he shrugs again, that lost look settling back on his face.]

I don't wanna make things worse. I don't wanna upset him. The last thing he remembers is from before we were really on speaking terms again, so-- I don't wanna make it weird.

Edited 2024-03-06 02:40 (UTC)

[ to this day, when she’s not in the right mind space, her powers still slip out of her fingers, acting in unpredictable ways. ever since she got them back, she’s been trying harder to understand how to better control them. back then, her powers would bleed out of her whenever she loosened her grip, and Jason’s taunting made her lose that grip more than anything. but they were both so lost, both hated themselves, both so scared of what they were, so desperate to belong to something that she sometimes wonders if that’s why she hated him so much. because of what he brought out in her.

but now she sees him in a different light. Dick would speak so fondly of Jason, and would get this warmth in his eyes, a mix of pride and adoration. finally, she’s staring to understand where it all came from.

but shock parts her lips when Jason says the last thing Dick remembers is from that far back. that would have been shortly after Red Hood helped them with Crane, it would have been before Dick really started trying to heal the team and trying with Jason again. ]

That long…? [ she frowns, looking back at the emergency department’s doors, worry pinching between her brows. that’s a long time to be forgetting. everything that happened with Sebastian, all those bonding moments they had in the RV, the way Tim trained, everything Conner went through… Rachel tears up a little thinking about it. ]

Maybe we should tell him he needs to stay here. Conner and Kory aren’t here, so it’s just me, Tim, and Gar at the tower and I don’t know how Dick will be with just us… [ that’s also what Jason seems to want, too. she looks at him again, a sadness held in her eyes. ]

I’ll get him whatever he wants from the tower. And you can see him here if he’s okay with it. Stay by his side. Just like you said you would. [ a tiny, sad smile. ] Okay?

Yeah. That long.

[Jason says quietly, following Rachel's gaze back through those doors as well. So much has happened.

He lets out a shaky breath, watching Rachel. He knows this is so fucking hard for her too. This whole thing feels like the Twilight zone.]

I don't think he's gonna be ok with staying here that much longer. He's probably already trying to escape out the window.

[Jason knows, because he'd be doing the same and he knows how much they all hate laying around, especially in a hospital.

More than anything though, Jason wants to stay by his side.]

Okay. While he's here i'll stay. If he's ok with it.

[ Rachel’s smile fades when Jason confirms her suspicion, that Dick wouldn’t want to stay here anyway. maybe it’s naive of her to want to fix this, thinking that if she could persuade Dick to stay then at least some of the hurt she’d caused Jason could be redeemed.

but of course it’s not that easy. ]

Okay. [ she nods. ] I should probably—Gar’s waiting. Tim’s really worried too. Would you text me how he’s doing?

[Nothing's ever that easy, except he doesn't blame Rachel for this at all. He blames himself.]

You're leaving? ...Do you think he'll be ok with just me being here?

[He's scared. What if Dick isn't ok with that at all? What if he'd rather have anyone else here but him?]

[ Rachel hesitates, looking down at her phone, then back at Jason. she shakes her head. ]

I’m not really sure. [ she doesn’t know how Dick and Jason mended their relationship, and she isn’t sure how Dick feels about Jason right now, but she can see the fear in Jason’s expression. ]

Want me to stay with you? I wasn’t going to leave for too long.

[He's scared. He's scared of a lot of things right now. Mostly that Dick won't want him here anymore, but also that he's gonna fall off the deep end again.

That part isn't anyone's problem but his own-- but he can hear Dick's voice in his head, telling him he can do this. Don't give up. They've got this.]

No, it's -- it's ok. Hopefully he's sleeping. I can just sit there with him.

[ Jason sounds as unsure as she feels. suddenly, it's like they have to stand on their own. before, Dick would catch her in any situation. Dick would have an answer and a plan and always stay strong, no matter what.

but what about now? ]

Text me, okay? You're not alone in this. I'm here. And everyone else, too. [ a beat, as Rachel questions whether it's her place to say anything more. ] We have to be strong for him now.

[Rachel may feel unsure, but her words are important. They help, because really, that's what Jason needs to hear.

Are they true? He's not completely sure if they are-- if he really isn't alone in this. But in this moment they help. And she's right. They need to be strong for him. He's the one who needs them now.]

Okay... you're right. We have to be. Thanks, Rachel.

[ when Jason thanks her, her smile is small and sad. she doesn't think there's anything to thank her for. she wonders if she did all this, somehow willed reality into something bad happening. ]

Yeah. [ she turns away before Jason can see her cry again. ]

[He's not really the kind of person who goes around just thanking people, so he hopes she knows he really means it.

There's a part of him that wants to hug her, but he doesn't think he should. Gar is more equipped for something like that, so he's glad she'll get to see him soon.]

I'm gonna go back inside to talk to the doctor. I'll text you.

[He doesn't know what else to say. Finally he does reach out to squeeze her shoulder, then turns around and heads back inside so he can find Dick's doctor and ask her when Dick will be discharged. He tells her about the memory loss as well, and what can we done about any of it.]

[ when Jason's hand finds Rachel's shoulder, she finally looks back up. she gives him a teary-eyed nod when he promises to text her. the thing is, she doesn't want to leave Dick either. knowing he's lost a whole years' worth of memories is scary to her too, but she has to go back to the tower and fill the others in. she knows that the last thing Dick would want is for the team to suffer because of what happened to him. ]

Okay... thanks, Jason. [ feels like the right thing would be to reach out and hug him, but she doesn't know how he would react to that. so she just stands there and watches him leave. finally, once she's gathered herself enough, she calls an uber to head back to the tower. ]

[ Jason doesn't have to wait long to speak to the doctor, as she's standing at the nurses' station, going over Dick's charts. she seems to be puzzling over something as she reads the pages, brows knitted in concentration when Jason steps up beside her.

putting the charts down, she smiles at him, listening intently to his questions. when asked about the memory loss, she nods understandingly, giving Jason a small, but hopeful smile. ]

The memory loss is normal, especially after a concussive event like the one Dick had just undergone. [ she confirms that a year is a long time to have forgotten. there are a host of exercises that could help with restoring memories. she briefly tells Jason about some of them, including looking for triggers or reminders, or asking Dick to chain events that he does remember together by moving forward or backwards while recalling them. she says that it helps to have familiar people recount events to him, to see if any of it will jog something up. ]

Most importantly, he needs to rest. The good news is, he seems to be recovering quickly. Faster than normal, really. [ she's looking back at his charts. strange that they don't have his full medical information on file, though. there are fractures in his body picked up by the latest set of x-rays that seemingly had been treated outside of the medical system. ] We'd like to keep him under observation for at least another twenty-four hours, at which point we'll reassess how he's healing up. The memory loss should get better within a few weeks. He doesn't have to be in the hospital for that, but it's hard to say if it'll ever be perfectly recalled.

[It feels like more good news than bad news. Maybe his memory won't ever be perfectly recalled, but there are things they can do to help. Maybe knowing that Jason can help with giving Dick things to remember, they'll be ok with him being around - and Dick might be ok with it too.

Jason listens to it all intently while also reading over Dick's chart in the sneaky way that he does. Most of it is expected, and he's relieved when the doctor looks puzzled over how much quicker Dick seems to be healing up than normal. That means maybe the pit's magic has stayed with him too.]

Thanks, doc. I'll make sure he rests. I know he's gonna wanna get outta here sooner than 24 hours but I'll make sure he stays out, too.

[A little heads up on Dick Grayson, the flight risk. Jason doesn't want to fuck around with that this time. He's also subtly letting them know that he's absolutely staying here for those 24 hours, so don't even try kicking him out.

He feels like, with that determination, he's finally able to pull himself together a little more. He thanks the doctor again, then quietly heads into Dick's room once again, hoping that he's sleeping.]

[ the doctor gives Jason a nod when he vows to keep Dick grounded here for the next 24 hours. most people don't like staying in the hospital for long, so it's not anything new for her. Dick has broken bones, too, so she doubts he'll be able to be a real flight risk. she's also okay with Jason staying around for as long as Dick is here. it's better for most patients to have someone familiar near by than to have a stranger like a nurse sit at their bedside to keep them company.

Dick looks up when Jason enters his room. of course he's not asleep, but at least he's still in the bed? he's been out for the past seven hours. it's the most he's slept in a single stretch in a long time.

though he keeps his expression carefully neutral, it's clear that he had been in deep focus. he's still gripping his phone with one hand, but the screen goes black with a click of a single button. on his bedside, there's a glass of water and a half eaten slice of plain toast on a tray. nearby, a clear container with a slice of chocolate cake still sits untouched where Rachel had left it. ]

Hey. [ he greets calmly, giving Jason a slow once-over. people fussing over him when he gets injured is nothing new, though he recognizes that understanding the concern clearly written on Jason's face is still only just a logical one. he knows Jason's concerned about him because they're together. were together? how does he even begin to navigate that?

he doesn't know how Jason has changed in the past year, but once again, he has to believe in his own past decisions, even if he doesn't remember them. thinking about the void of the past year guts him, but he breathes through it. he has to start small, has to build on what he does know of their relationship.

Jason did some bad things. Jason murdered half of Gotham, but in the end, helped them bring it back. he didn't treat Jason how he should have, either. afterwards, Red Hood dropped off his radar for at least two weeks. is Red Hood still around? has Gotham recovered? the questions keep whirring around in his mind as his gaze lifts back up to Jason's face. he tries for a tense smile, tipping his head toward the bedside table. ]

Don't look so worried. You didn't miss much. They brought in some dry toast when you were gone.

(( ooc: ok sorry i had to retcon Rachel leaving the a slice of chocolate cake there ;; ))

[ The doctor doesn't know how much of a flight risk Dick really is- no matter how many broken bones he has, he'd find a way out of there. Jason won't let that happen.]

Hey.

[He tries to say as casually when he heads back inside. Of course Dick isn't asleep. Jason had only been hoping that because of all the pain meds he'd easily knock out. It's not just worry he's feeling when he sees Dick awake- it's nerves. It feels like that time all over again, when Dick found him after he came back from the dead, and asked him for help. The time when Dick told Jason that he could never be a Titan again, but he could start on the path of redemption if he helped them. That was a year ago, just about. So much has happened since then.

It feels devastating all over again, but he knows it must feel the same for Dick, not even knowing what happened all this time. Since coming back from the dead, Jason has a few gaps in his memory as well, so he knows how fucked up it feels. This is ten times worse. ]

That's it? I might have to sneak you in some pizza. The real kind.

[He notes the look on Dick's face, the way he does a once over on him. Jason wonders what he must be thinking. How he must be feeling. He also notices the phone in Dick's hand. Was he reading over texts? Listening to voicemails? Did he read the hundreds of things they've said to each other over all this time, confirming Jason's words? Does he know they're in love? ....were in love. Is it a past tense thing now? Jason swallows that thought down thickly, and moves over to the bed to check out the toast. It's pretty lame. The chocolate cake looks more appetizing, though and he lifts up the container.]

What about this?

I don't know. [ Dick looks at the chocolate cake skeptically. truthfully, he doesn't have an appetite. the few bites of toast was only managed because he knows he has to eat to recover.

his mind is still lingering on the texts he's been catching up on. he hasn't had much time since Jason stepped out of his room, but what he has read starts to flesh out the weeks leading up to his memory loss. Kory is out of town tracing down something Tamaran related, he doesn't know what yet. Conner seems to be asking him about something Metropolis related. Rachel and Gar have been protesting cauliflower crust. Tim, texting about suit upgrades.

and Jason. he and Jason have been meeting up at bars and taking shots together, and for some reason, he doesn't want Jason helping out with thugs. the night of his accident, Jason tried to take a flight back to Gotham, and he seemed to be very much against it. his last outgoing call was to Jason's number, so that much checks out. still, it's just that. checking out information. none of it feels like real memories, associated with emotions, but rather like reading sterile case files or debriefings of events that happened to someone else. ]

I'd rather have Alfred's pancakes. [ an impossibility at this point, hence why he says it. ] You should have it. Bet you haven't eaten much.

[ he has to stay calm, but he's itching to get back to his records. ] So are they discharging me soon, or are we breaking out of here?

I'd rather have Alfred's pancakes too.

[ He sets the cake aside, not having anything of an appetite either. He could still use that drink or two, though.

And Jason's texts-- they span back to far more than that, but maybe he can go through them all later. Maybe it's better if Jason tells him instead. It's hard to know where to even start, but the doctor said it would be helpful. He just has to figure it out and not overwhelm Dick with it.

He knows how fucking overwhelming he can be. ]

You gotta stay for a 24 hour observation, and then we can go. Or-- you can go. You know how much I love a good break out, but not this time.

[He sighs, plopping himself down in the chair that's he's had pretty much almost on top of the bed it's so close, and he doesn't really want to move it further back. If he can't climb in with Dick, and if it's too weird to keep holding his hand, at least he can sit close. He can sit close, and try to act calm, and have a normal conversation with Dick. He can try.]

Good news, though. You're healing up faster than normal. I told you about it once, when you were bandaging up the gash on my ass, that I healed up faster cause of the pit? Well, you've got it too. The doctor looked real fucking perplexed.

Edited 2024-03-06 19:30 (UTC)

[ Dick lifts his brows when Jason tells him he'll heal faster because of the pit. is that something he knows, or does he not know? because it's new information now. and bandaging up the gash on Jason's ass, that bit seems to bring up an image of Jason on his couch, though it feels dark and blurry. ]

How much faster? [ a tip of his head. ] 'Cus if it's at least some percentage then we should recalculate their 24 hour observation period. [ tension gathers around his eyes at being told no. ]

You know I'm not staying here, right?

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1/2

2/2 -- sorry for the delay, i got distracted :,)

Lol it's ok 😁

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im still annoyed that they dipped dick into the pit >>