anything can be taken from you.

[farcry]

overflow | open

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[nomorefear]

[ Jason's here. He'll always be here. He fucking swears it.

When Dick winces he loosens his grip completely, but he's still too damn scared to let go of his hand all the way. ]

Hey. Sorry... sorry. I didn't wanna let you go, you know? Felt like maybe if I held your hand tight enough... you'd come back. You'd wake up.

[farcry]

Yeah— [ he even manages a smile, eyes opened to tired, bleary slits as he takes in Jason’s worried expression. ] I know. I got you worried. Just needed a nap.

[ why… though. confusion clouds his mind as no clear answer surfaces. when he tries to lift his other hand to touch Jason, a bolt of pain races up his arm and he winces again. he looks down at his arm, then back at Jason, slowly blinking away the blurriness. his gaze slowly slides off to the side, taking in the unfamiliar room. a hospital? ]

How—bad is it?

[nomorefear]

[Jason knows he needs to call the nurse. And he will. He just needs a moment.

Dick is awake and alert. He's talking and he makes sense. He knows who he's taking to and that alone is the biggest relief.]

Just a nap, huh?

[His eyes are full of tears again- more relieved than anything, even as he takes a hold of Dick's arm and sets it back down so he won't be in so much pain.]

It's ok. Hey, it's ok. Don't move around too much, ok? I'm gonna call the nurse.

You got in an accident. Do you remember? We were talking on the phone. You're pretty banged up, but you're awake now, so you're gonna be ok. I'm gonna take care of you. You're gonna be ok.

[farcry]

[ if he’s at the hospital, then they’re probably pumping him full of pain meds, meaning he can’t reliably get a good sense of how bad things are. Jason keeps talking, which gives him something to try and focus on, but some of it isn’t making much sense.

that’s normal, though. he just woke up. ]

Okay, yeah. [ what’s strange is how sweet Jason is being, how Jason is suddenly crying over him as he gingerly guides his arm back to a resting position. the accident must have been bad for Jason to be treating him this tenderly, promising to take care of him.

if only they could have this when he wasn’t hurt. ]

Honestly, Jason…I don’t remember what happened.

Ooc: omfg you're double evil! 😂😂😂

[nomorefear]

[Jason expects Dick to be fully out of it, so it's alright. He doesn't need to be with it just yet.]

It's ok. Don't think too hard about it. They're taking care of you, you don't gotta worry about it, ok?

[He brushes Dicks hair back again.]

I'm gonna stay here the whole time. I called Rachel too. She's here. She just went to grab something to eat. Lemme call the nurse, alright?

[He leans in to press a kiss against Dick's forehead, then gets up to go into the hall to call the nurse.]

I’m terrible 🤪

[farcry]

[ the confusion is clear in his eyes, mixed with a pleased warmth when Jason pulls away from kissing his forehead. maybe he’s not awake yet. maybe he’s stuck in an alternate universe where everything has sorted itself out. Jason’s touch feels too good to be real, and the whole situation feels like a fever dream.

and Rachel? and Jason being on speaking terms?

he huffs a quiet wry laugh. ]

Alright. [ don’t think too hard about it.

when Jason ducks into the hallway, he looks around, trying to recognize the space he’s in. there’s that pain scale on the wall. what he can see of the window tells him it’s morning outside, but it’s a grey, rainy day.

with a steady inhale, he puts an elbow down, leaning hard into his good side as he attempts to peel himself up.

wasn’t there something he was trying to work out? something that distressed him? that muted dull pain pulses with his heartbeat, and when he finally manages to lift his head, everything starts spinning. he shuts his eyes hard. ]

Fuck.

[ a nurse emerges almost immediately through the double doors when Jason calls, and quickly follows Jason back into Dick’s room. ]

Poor Jason 😭

[nomorefear]

[Jason can see the confusion, but he knows they'll sort it out. Dick is awake and coherent, and that's the most important thing.

Even better, hearing Dick laugh the way he does. Finally, a little bit of relief settles his nerves.

The nurse comes quickly as well, which he's grateful for.]

He's awake. He's talking. That's good news, right?

[He tells says to the nurse, then goes right back to Dick's side. He also texta Rachel that Dick's awake.]

[thesnacks]

It's great news, [ the nurse replies with a calm smile as she places a hand gently on Dick's good shoulder, guiding him to lay back on the bed. Dick looks at her through squinted eyes, lets a shaky breath out and follows her guidance. she pushes a button to recline the hospital bed so he sit up slightly. he winces with the movement, but settles.

he hates hospitals. doesn't like doctors and nurses who aren't Alfred. does Jason know that about him? he stares blankly at the nurse when she sits beside his bed and records onto a clipboard, then calmly, factually retells him what happened. the accident on the highway off-ramp, the ambulance, the medically induced coma, and reassures him that he probably can't recall any of this yet, but that it'll come back with time. he accepts it. maybe he hasn't had a concussion this bad before, but none of this is especially new.

before the nurse finishes speaking, Rachel bursts into the room, bright and teary-eyed as she sees Dick. she gasps with a smile, his name mangled in a sob as she makes her way to the other side of his bed, pressing into a hug that has Dick wincing softly. I knew you'd wake up, she repeats twice, muffled into his shoulder. he smiles in return, good arm raising to hug her back the best he can. it's hard to imagine that before, he wanted to distance himself from people, when having people who care about him is the best feeling in the world. ]

Rach, I can't--breathe. [ she lets him go with an apologetic, wet smile and steps back, blinking away the tears as she smiles at the nurse and Jason. finally, after asking more questions and promising a series of tests once he regains more of his awareness, the nurse leaves.

it's then that Rachel gets a phone call. ]

It's Gar. [ wide-eyed, she looks at Jason, then Dick, then back to Jason. ] What do I say?

[nomorefear]

[Rachel goes in so hard that Jason wants to tell her to be careful, but he understands. He wants nothing more than to climb into that bed and lay with Dick, holding him tightly until he heals up completely.

He gives Rachel a teary smile when she looks over to him, and when the nurse leaves, Jason goes back to th bedside to slide his fingers through Dick's. He doesn't ever want to let go.

When Gar calls, Jason hesitates, then gives a small shrug.]

Tell him...I mean. If you want to.

[He says, looking at Dick.]

[farcry]

[ Dick is staring at their linked hands when he realizes both Jason and Rachel are looking at him, waiting for some sort of answer. he frowns, feeling like he's severely lacking context. ]

Tell him I'm coming back soon. I'll be fine, but until then, I'm counting on you guys to pick up the slack. You can't do much when you're sitting here waiting for me, though. [ Rachel looks a little unsure with his answer and hesitates for a moment before bringing the phone up to her ear and stepping outside again. ]

You too, Jason.

[nomorefear]

[He knows maybe it's a lot to ask right now but it really does depend on what Dick wants to do. He doesn't want to overwhelm him right now or have a ton of people rushing in here. Not if that's not what Dick wants.

When Rachel steps out again, Jason squeezes his hand.]

I know this is a lot. I'm sorry.

[And then he has to ask.]

Pick up the slack?

[farcry]

It's fine. [ he just needs a moment, that's all. he can feel the tears in his head starting to turn again, but there's the molasses, making everything sticky and messy.

making him look at Jason, eyes tracing over those features, trying to decipher what that questioning look is for. he looks down at their hands, then back up to Jason's face again.

god--those eyes. his own expression softens, voice dropping. ]

What am I missing?

[nomorefear]

[ Now that everything has slowed down a little, and it's just the two of them again, Jason starts to notice more than just the sudden relief that Dick is awake and talking. There's more confusion on Dick's face, and when he looks at their interlocked hands, Jason has this sinking feeling that he's missing something here too.

He swallows thickly, almost too scared to ask. ]

How-- how far back don't you remember?

[farcry]

[ slowly, Dick shakes his head, recognizing the worry on Jason's face. he's not sure how to answer that question when his memory feels unreliable in itself. ]

I don't know. It's not linear. I don't think so, at least. [ he looks at their hands again. ] I know I was tracking a van when I got into the accident. It contained drugs being routed to Gotham, but I don't know what we were talking about when you called.

[nomorefear]

[ It feels like something's really off when Dick keeps looking at their joined hands, as if he's confused by it. As if he doesn't know why this is happening. It's unsettling, at it scares Jason to his core.

He's never been as good at hiding his emotions as he thinks he is, especially when they're intense ones. It's even harder for him to hide them now, when he's been so open with Dick- since they've gotten so close. Right now it's a mix of dread and heartbreak.]

No, that's-- that's not...

[He shakes his head, suddenly at a loss for words.]

That was more than a year ago.

[farcry]

[ his heart leaps to his throat, feeling the same kind of dread on Jason's face inside himself. a year. a year. ]

Wait--the nurse said... there was a van. I was on my bike when I got hit and you were on the phone with me. Was I out for a year? [ he starts to sit up, gripping Jason's hand hard. ] How long have I been out for? [ a beat. ] Where are we?

[nomorefear]

[ Now he can put the pieces together- not just the confusion of the crash, but the confusion in the way Dick keeps looking at him. Their hands. In Dick's head...oh god. They're not even together.

Jason almost pulls his hand from Dick's in shock, but Dick grabs it tighter, so he doesn't. ]

You weren't out for a year, no. You were out for about seven hours. We're at Mercy Hospital in San Fransisco-- near the tower. You just-- you can't remember. You don't remember how we're--

[He has to stop talking so he can bite back his tears. No one else knew they were together either. Now it's as if it was all just in Jason's head.]

[farcry]

[ how could he have lost a whole years’ memories in a single crash? he grips Jason’s hand tight like a lifeline, propping himself up higher as he stares wide-eyed as the information sinks in. it hurts to sit up, but he ignores it. ]

How we’re… together? Is that right?

[ there’s surprise on his face, but a kind of understanding. the way Jason looks at him, the way he holds Dick’s hand, everything he heard when he was still under would make sense. I love you. I miss you. Jason promised not to leave his side, to take care of him. like a lover.

but it feels right. ]

[nomorefear]

[Jason looks down, nodding at Dick's question then reaches out to quickly and gently press Dick back against the bed.]

Hey, come on...the nurse said you shouldn't try to sit up just yet. Let your body rest, ok?

[It's easier to focus on that, than the intense heartache that seems to be rushing through his entire body. Dick doesn't remember. Everything that they've been building up on all this time. Being in love, Jason coming over here, the two of them making love, the way Dick has been holding him together-- he doesn't remember.

Jason wants to scream.]

It's okay. It's ok.

[farcry]

[ he resists against Jason only for the moment it takes for his mind to sort through what he's seeing. Jason nods, and it all makes a lot of sense, even if he doesn't remember it. he can feel it in Jason's touch, in the care of his words, the pain of his expression, like he's finally been able to work through all the layers of prickly defenses Jason shields himself with. it's hard to tell if the way his body reacts is imagined or real, and if the sense of familiarity is his own longing, or the lingering of something in his memory.

but how does he reconciliate the seemingly new realization that he actually wants Jason with the new found information that he has Jason? he doesn't know what to say, and for once in his life, he's at a loss as to what to do too. slowly, he follows the motion of Jason's hand and sinks into the bed again, gaze never leaving Jason's face. ]

The nurse said it's temporary. I've woken up disoriented before. It'll just take time. [ never took this long, but it's all different. his death-grip on Jason's hand relaxes just so, shifting into something steady and determined now. ] I'm still here, Jason. With you.

[nomorefear]

[Dick tries to tease him about his memory, and Jason feels guilty about it. He should be the one reassuring Jason right now, not the other way around.

That, and they really don't know what'll happen yet. Maybe Dick won't remember anything at all. At least he doesn't seem disgusted by it though. He doesn't recoil from the thought of being with a murderer.]

You don't gotta force anything, ok? It's fine.

[He finally lifts his gaze to look at Dick again, trying to sound reassuring as well.]

I just want you to be ok.

[farcry]

[ his mind still feels like molasses, but what he does know is that he's awake, he's alive, and he thinks he's making sense, though there's no way to tell that for sure yet.

the heartbreak is written clear on Jason's face. he can see it in those reddened eyes that look like they've been soaked in tears. he can emphasize with that. he knows what loss feels like, he knows heartbreak. he nods, knowing he's incapable of forcing anything anyway. he doesn't know how he felt about Jason before, what exactly happened between them or how, but Jason is still family, and Jason chose to help take down Crane in the end.

but is it stupid to feel like he can trust Jason now? the thought brings a wrinkle in his mind before he smoothes it over, reassuring himself that what he sees on Jason's face is real. ]

Thanks. I'll be okay. [ slowly, he loosens his grip around Jason's hand, though he doesn't pull away. he even manages a small smile that doesn't quite warm his eyes. ] Don't worry.

[nomorefear]

[If Dick doesn't remember, Jason knows he deserves it. Maybe this is it. The punishment for him being such trash. And then he realizes how selfish that is. This isn't about him at all. Fuck his stupid feelings.

Dick is alive and that's all they should matter. It doesn't work that way though -- he still feels devastated.

But he'll reel it in now, cause what else can he do? His moments- he's precious moments with Dick are lost, at least for now, and he's not even really sure how Dick feels about him, or any of it. All he knows is that Dick tells him he's still here with him. That has to be good enough.]

Don't worry- right. I'll try not to.

[When Dick loosens his grip, Jason slides his hand away and curls his arms around himself.]

You should get some sleep, ok? You got real banged up. You need to rest.

[farcry]

Yeah. Alright. [ Dick's hand drops back to the blanket, nodding. he knows it's not much help to tell Jason not to worry. once Rachel finds out how much he doesn't remember, she'll be worried too, as will the rest of his team. ]

On your way out, Jason, could you ask the nurse when they're willing to discharge me?

[nomorefear]

Yeah. I'll ask. But don't push that either, alright? I know you fucking hate hospitals and this is the last place you wanna be right now, but...stay as long as they need make sure-- especially with the memory loss.

[What if it gets worse? Or what if they can do something to make it better? He doubts the latter, but he's grasping at any hope right now.

He so desperately wants to lean in and kiss Dick, and he almost does, but he figures that would be really fucking weird for Dick right now, and probably unwanted, so he stops himself.]

I'll be back.