anything can be taken from you.

[farcry]

overflow | open

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[nomorefear]

[Goddamit Dick.]

I'm not giving up.

I thought about the reality of it all. The way things always go. The kind of person I am. You know, when people have bad feelings, I'm always right there.

And you? You're fucking incredible. Maybe I do idolize you. Follow you around like a goddamn puppy. You deserve better than that.

[farcry]

You’re incredible too, Jason. We’ve worked that out—you’re the person I want to be with. How do I deserve anything other than the person I love?

[nomorefear]

I don't know, I--

I don't think I'm ever gonna be ok, Dick. I told you once before. I'm fucking poison.

[farcry]

You’re not poison. You’ve been through a fucking lot and the way you’ve been working on healing has been incredible. [ Jason has always fought for them, and Dick will do the same. ]

Don’t throw it all away, Jason. Whatever happened, we can figure it out together. You’re doing so well here, you don’t have to go.

[nomorefear]

[He listens to all that- he really does, and then he goes quiet for a long moment.]

I talked to Rachel.

[farcry]

[ and Dick goes quiet for a moment, frowning under the motorcycle helmet, weaving through traffic to get back faster.

when he replies, his voice is taken aback. ]

And Rachel said all that?

[nomorefear]

[Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, but he can't hold it back.]

Yes... no. More or less. That's about how it went.

[farcry]

[ there's a hint of simmering anger in his voice now, the sound of the engine revving that the helmet doesn't quite cancel out. ]

Do you believe her?

[nomorefear]

[He doesn't want that anger thrr, but he's feeling stuck. He's feeling fucking trapped again and it feels like the only way to get out of this is to leave. To go back and figure it out on his own like he told himself he'd do before Dick came back.]

Maybe I do. Maybe she's got a fucking point.

[farcry]

[ he'll have a good chat with Rachel after this. ]

I don't care what her fucking point was. I'm not letting you think you're gonna fuck up. And even if you do--even if I do, we'll fix it. I'm not giving up on you, Jason, and you shouldn't either.

[nomorefear]

[He doesn't want Dick tonl have a chat with Rachel after this. He doesn't want to ruin anything between them either. Feels like he just keeps fucking up.

But Dick's words make him slow down in packing his things into a bag.]

Why'd you decide to be with me. After everything I did. Why?

[farcry]

[ it sounds like Jason finally pauses and asks him a question in return. ]

Because you’re not the terrible things you did, Jason. You’re so much more than that. You’re trying your best to be good and it—inspires me. I love you for it.

[nomorefear]

[ He finally sits back down on the bed, dropping his head into his hand. He feels fucking crazy for this. But between texting Rachel and talking to Dick, he feels like there's one thing here he needs to be paying attention to.

They aren't writing him off. They aren't sending him away. Dick's not giving up on him, and in a way, neither is Rachel.

He takes a deep breath and nods, even if Dick can't see him.]

Okay.....I'll stay. I'm sorry.

ok tell me if you don’t like this, I have NO problem changing it!!!

[farcry]

[ he hadn’t realized how bad this all had hurt until a deep breath of relief finally loosens from where all the air had bunched in his chest. Jason isn’t leaving. Jason seems to finally step away from that ledge. he nods, too, knowing Jason can’t see it. ]

Okay. [ fuck. his voice breathes out just audibly, quivering with the word. he has to swallow hard. ] Okay, I’m coming back. Jason, I l—

[ he doesn’t see the van until the headlights blind him. doesn’t even look until the blaring horn is drowning out all his thoughts. and when he finally realizes that it’s there, it’s too late to skid the bike out of the way.

all he can think about is that Jason stayed for him, and now he doesn’t know when he’ll see him. if he’ll see him. the thought is a moment frozen in time, in slow motion as the lights get closer and Dick braces for impact. the adrenaline wipes out the pain as he tumbles from the bike, tossed from how quickly he was going and landing just as hard, skidding across the road. everything spins as he tries to turn, but nothing works properly, no matter how hard he thinks about getting up.

he has to get up. he has to. the thud of his heartbeat is so loud in his ears and all he can see are blurry lights, turning red and blue, his heartbeat blending into wailing sirens before his vision fades from the edges inward to black. ]

Awwww Dick!!!! No, it's fine! It's terrible but it's fine! ;__;

[nomorefear]

You don't have to. Whatever you were doing, you don't have to leave, I'll be fine.

[He starts to say but then he hears it. The deafening crash, the sound of metal and plastic splintering.-- it reminds him of that time way back when he was trying to leave Crane. When Dick found him anyway. When he was hit by that car and he so desperately didn't want Dick to die, so he called 911.

It sounds exactly like that, and his heart drops into his stomach.]

Dick!!! Dick, are you there?! Dick, fucking answer me!

[But Dick doesn't answer him, and Jason hangs up and calls 911 just like he did back then, trying to get him help.

He did this. If it wasn't for his bullshit, this wouldn't have happened. He's already out and on his own bike, heading out to where he knows Dick might be, to see if he can get there faster.]

it is terrible. i’m terrible 😂 poor jason.

[farcry]

[ Jason doesn’t have to go far to find Dick. he’ll be at exit 97 off the freeway, the one leading to the Mission district where the Tower and Jason is. he’ll find the lanes blocked off by ambulances and fire trucks, a jackknifed truck, a crushed van, and Dick’s bike laying off to the side at the end of black skid marks.

he’ll also find a body with a white sheet over it. not Dick’s body. Dick is passed out, strapped to a stretcher and being lifted into the back of an ambulance. the paramedics will let Jason come with them with enough convincing, but they’ll shuttle Dick off for x-rays. a few broken ribs, a broken clavicle, badly sprained wrist, and some internal bruising. not anything Dick hasn’t seen before. lucky, the doctors say, given how recklessly he was riding and what happened to the van driver.

but it won’t be until the morning that Dick starts to come to, blearily blinking his eyes open, fingers slowly flexing through slow, weak breaths. before he knows where he is or recalls what happened, he thinks of one thing, and one thing only. Jason. ]

[nomorefear]

[ Jason's almost positive that he's felt every single worst feeling in the world by now, but nothing in his entire life has ever felt the way seeing that body on the ground with the white sheet over it feels. It feels like he'll loose his mind, like he's going to puke, like the greatest anguish he's ever felt washes over him- until he sees Dick on the stretcher instead.

He leaves his bike on the side of the road and convinces the fuck out of the paramedics to let him go with them. Maybe they're scared that Jason will fight every last one of them if he doesn't get to ride with Dick, so it's easier to just let him. He stays out of their way though, letting the paramedics do their thing while he sits there in fear, watching Dick's chest rise and fall with his breathing. He's alive. He needs to stay alive.

Then he's left there to his own devices once they get to the hospital, and Jason doesn't know what to do. He should call Rachel, tell them to get over here, but he's scared. He did this. He fucking did this. How can he call them and tell them what happened? How can he face them now, when he was already scared of facing them even before this happened? He can feel himself spiraling, pacing back and forth, with the nurses at the desk starting to look at him worriedly.

He wipes at his eyes and makes a decision, stepping outside the ER doors to catch his breath and let the cold air hit his face so he can somehow pull it together- and then he calls Rachel. ]

[thesnacks]

[ it's three in the morning, but the time of day has started to mean less and less. between the training schedules, the cases on their hands, her midnight snacks, and the nightmares, Rachel barely knows what time of day it is, besides morning and night. her and Gar returned to the tower not too long ago after running recon on a Gotham related weapons shipment. no matter how far away they get, Gotham still lingers with the Titans, around every turn, behind every unveiled clue.

she turns over in her bed and sighs into her pillow, picking up her phone to open up tiktok. there's an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach, like she forgot something or left something out of place. the last hour of thinking about it hadn't helped, so she had tried to sleep it off. telling people about it only tends to add anxiety, so she's stopped sharing unless she's certain. though she's getting better at trusting herself, she still feels like she's so unpredictable.

in the middle of a GoT tiktok, Jason's name pops up on her screen and her phone buzzes in her hand. it's the sinking in her stomach and the shock of it that has her gasping and almost dropping the phone.

she answers right away, voice shaking. ]

...Hey.

[nomorefear]

[ It's not long after he last texted with her. He's not sure how many hours it's been because he lost track of time, but he figures maybe she thinks it's him calling to talk, to make further amends, to add onto the conversation they just had. Maybe she's trying not to think about him at all. As the phone rings, he feels like he's gonna throw up all over again. This is bad. This is so fucking bad.

Rachel was right.

He almost hangs up, but it's too late. The call connects almost immediately, and her worried voice filters through. He lets out a shaky breath to try and still his own voice, but it doesn't work. ]

Rachel... Dick was in an accident. He's at the hospital.

[thesnacks]

[ as soon as she hears his voice, she knows that something is very wrong. there’s a seriousness to it, a gravity to the way her names sounds, shakily spilling out.

the words in his next breath sends her heart plummeting. she pushes herself up to sit. ]

What…? How—is he okay?

[nomorefear]

[ He shakes his head, but he's glad she can't see it. Can't see how much he's falling apart right now. He wipes at his eyes again, glancing back toward the inside of the ER. ]

He's-- I don't know yet. Still waiting for the doctors to come out and let me know the extent of it. He was on his bike and got hit by a car.

[thesnacks]

[ a hand clasps over her mouth as the dread starts to well up inside her. ]

Holy shit… should I come? Is it okay if I come? [ she’s already getting out of bed. ]

Gar’s here too. I don’t know where Kory and Tim are but should call them and tell them? [ she pauses, the gravity of the situation suddenly setting in. everything she said earlier, everything she felt was leading to this.

she sits back onto the bed and feels herself sinking. ]

Jason… are you okay?

[nomorefear]

[ It's a lot. It's a whole fucking lot, and Jason suddenly feels like he's sinking too. He wants to run- to just bolt the fuck out of here and not stop until he gets back to Gotham, or maybe even further than that. Rachel, Gar, Kory, Tim... they're all gonna roll up in here and he doens't think he should be here for that. He's scared of what'll happen. Hell, they might try and kill him.

He realizes he's about two seconds away from a panic attack when Rachel says his name, and he knows he should answer her. ]

I don't know.

[Should they come? He doesn't know. Probably yes. Is he okay? Not even close.]

I'll send you the address. You guys should come. He'll wanna see you when he wakes up. I gotta go. I just wanted to let you know that he's here. I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry.

[thesnacks]

[ she doesn’t know why she has to ask like that when she’s not okay either. hearing Jason apologize has a lump gathering in her throat and she starts shaking her head. ]

No. No, please don’t go. It’s not your fault. Please? [ the idea of Jason leaving feels like another loss. it’s loss on top of loss and she wishes it would all stop slipping through her fingers.

she remembers the way he spoke about being scared to tell them he’s here. she hadn’t told Gar yet because of that. ] What if just I come? Just me. Will you stay if it’s just me?

[nomorefear]

[ He can feel his vision swim and he has to grab at the wall, closing his eyes. What if Dick isn't going to be ok? What if he leaves and then Dick-- no. No. He can feel the bile rising in his throat and he pushes it away. ]

Just you?

[One thing at a time. He wants to make sure Dick is ok, and if it's just Rachel then maybe he can stay. He can do this. He has to do this, for Dick. He can't fucking run away.]

Yeah, ok.

[He sends her the address of the hospital- it's so close to Titans Tower that she'll probably be here in five minutes.]

I just want him to be ok. He has to be ok.