anything can be taken from you.

[farcry]

overflow | open

Comments

[nomorefear]

I shouldn't be here.
I was wrong for coming here.

[farcry]

What? No. This is exactly where you should be. Jason, tell me what's wrong.

[nomorefear]

What's wrong is I need to stop fucking following you around everywhere, like I'm fucking obsessed with you or something.

💔

[farcry]

I asked you to come here, Jason. You're not following me around and what do you mean obsessed with me? I though it was going well.

💔💔💔

[nomorefear]

It's how it's always been, isn't it?

How long is this gonna last, huh? How long till I fuck it up anyway. Just go be with your Titans.

[farcry]

How what's always been? What are you talking about?

Who says anyone's gonna fuck this up? I want to be with you.

[ incoming call. pick up, Jason. did you forget he's a boomer?? ]

[nomorefear]

[Fuck. He doesn't want to talk. He just wants to finish packing up so he can go.

But the longer he doesn't answer the more he feels like he's gonna puke, so he finally does.]

Look, I'm sorry, ok? I tried.

😭

[farcry]

[ finally, after long ring tones, Jason's voice finally comes through the other end. Jason will hear the rumble of his bike over the phone, and the way Dick's voice falters when he speaks. ]

Don't. Don't do that--you can't be giving up now.

[nomorefear]

[Goddamit Dick.]

I'm not giving up.

I thought about the reality of it all. The way things always go. The kind of person I am. You know, when people have bad feelings, I'm always right there.

And you? You're fucking incredible. Maybe I do idolize you. Follow you around like a goddamn puppy. You deserve better than that.

[farcry]

You’re incredible too, Jason. We’ve worked that out—you’re the person I want to be with. How do I deserve anything other than the person I love?

[nomorefear]

I don't know, I--

I don't think I'm ever gonna be ok, Dick. I told you once before. I'm fucking poison.

[farcry]

You’re not poison. You’ve been through a fucking lot and the way you’ve been working on healing has been incredible. [ Jason has always fought for them, and Dick will do the same. ]

Don’t throw it all away, Jason. Whatever happened, we can figure it out together. You’re doing so well here, you don’t have to go.

[nomorefear]

[He listens to all that- he really does, and then he goes quiet for a long moment.]

I talked to Rachel.

[farcry]

[ and Dick goes quiet for a moment, frowning under the motorcycle helmet, weaving through traffic to get back faster.

when he replies, his voice is taken aback. ]

And Rachel said all that?

[nomorefear]

[Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, but he can't hold it back.]

Yes... no. More or less. That's about how it went.

[farcry]

[ there's a hint of simmering anger in his voice now, the sound of the engine revving that the helmet doesn't quite cancel out. ]

Do you believe her?

[nomorefear]

[He doesn't want that anger thrr, but he's feeling stuck. He's feeling fucking trapped again and it feels like the only way to get out of this is to leave. To go back and figure it out on his own like he told himself he'd do before Dick came back.]

Maybe I do. Maybe she's got a fucking point.

[farcry]

[ he'll have a good chat with Rachel after this. ]

I don't care what her fucking point was. I'm not letting you think you're gonna fuck up. And even if you do--even if I do, we'll fix it. I'm not giving up on you, Jason, and you shouldn't either.

[nomorefear]

[He doesn't want Dick tonl have a chat with Rachel after this. He doesn't want to ruin anything between them either. Feels like he just keeps fucking up.

But Dick's words make him slow down in packing his things into a bag.]

Why'd you decide to be with me. After everything I did. Why?

[farcry]

[ it sounds like Jason finally pauses and asks him a question in return. ]

Because you’re not the terrible things you did, Jason. You’re so much more than that. You’re trying your best to be good and it—inspires me. I love you for it.

[nomorefear]

[ He finally sits back down on the bed, dropping his head into his hand. He feels fucking crazy for this. But between texting Rachel and talking to Dick, he feels like there's one thing here he needs to be paying attention to.

They aren't writing him off. They aren't sending him away. Dick's not giving up on him, and in a way, neither is Rachel.

He takes a deep breath and nods, even if Dick can't see him.]

Okay.....I'll stay. I'm sorry.

ok tell me if you don’t like this, I have NO problem changing it!!!

[farcry]

[ he hadn’t realized how bad this all had hurt until a deep breath of relief finally loosens from where all the air had bunched in his chest. Jason isn’t leaving. Jason seems to finally step away from that ledge. he nods, too, knowing Jason can’t see it. ]

Okay. [ fuck. his voice breathes out just audibly, quivering with the word. he has to swallow hard. ] Okay, I’m coming back. Jason, I l—

[ he doesn’t see the van until the headlights blind him. doesn’t even look until the blaring horn is drowning out all his thoughts. and when he finally realizes that it’s there, it’s too late to skid the bike out of the way.

all he can think about is that Jason stayed for him, and now he doesn’t know when he’ll see him. if he’ll see him. the thought is a moment frozen in time, in slow motion as the lights get closer and Dick braces for impact. the adrenaline wipes out the pain as he tumbles from the bike, tossed from how quickly he was going and landing just as hard, skidding across the road. everything spins as he tries to turn, but nothing works properly, no matter how hard he thinks about getting up.

he has to get up. he has to. the thud of his heartbeat is so loud in his ears and all he can see are blurry lights, turning red and blue, his heartbeat blending into wailing sirens before his vision fades from the edges inward to black. ]

Awwww Dick!!!! No, it's fine! It's terrible but it's fine! ;__;

[nomorefear]

You don't have to. Whatever you were doing, you don't have to leave, I'll be fine.

[He starts to say but then he hears it. The deafening crash, the sound of metal and plastic splintering.-- it reminds him of that time way back when he was trying to leave Crane. When Dick found him anyway. When he was hit by that car and he so desperately didn't want Dick to die, so he called 911.

It sounds exactly like that, and his heart drops into his stomach.]

Dick!!! Dick, are you there?! Dick, fucking answer me!

[But Dick doesn't answer him, and Jason hangs up and calls 911 just like he did back then, trying to get him help.

He did this. If it wasn't for his bullshit, this wouldn't have happened. He's already out and on his own bike, heading out to where he knows Dick might be, to see if he can get there faster.]

it is terrible. i’m terrible 😂 poor jason.

[farcry]

[ Jason doesn’t have to go far to find Dick. he’ll be at exit 97 off the freeway, the one leading to the Mission district where the Tower and Jason is. he’ll find the lanes blocked off by ambulances and fire trucks, a jackknifed truck, a crushed van, and Dick’s bike laying off to the side at the end of black skid marks.

he’ll also find a body with a white sheet over it. not Dick’s body. Dick is passed out, strapped to a stretcher and being lifted into the back of an ambulance. the paramedics will let Jason come with them with enough convincing, but they’ll shuttle Dick off for x-rays. a few broken ribs, a broken clavicle, badly sprained wrist, and some internal bruising. not anything Dick hasn’t seen before. lucky, the doctors say, given how recklessly he was riding and what happened to the van driver.

but it won’t be until the morning that Dick starts to come to, blearily blinking his eyes open, fingers slowly flexing through slow, weak breaths. before he knows where he is or recalls what happened, he thinks of one thing, and one thing only. Jason. ]

[nomorefear]

[ Jason's almost positive that he's felt every single worst feeling in the world by now, but nothing in his entire life has ever felt the way seeing that body on the ground with the white sheet over it feels. It feels like he'll loose his mind, like he's going to puke, like the greatest anguish he's ever felt washes over him- until he sees Dick on the stretcher instead.

He leaves his bike on the side of the road and convinces the fuck out of the paramedics to let him go with them. Maybe they're scared that Jason will fight every last one of them if he doesn't get to ride with Dick, so it's easier to just let him. He stays out of their way though, letting the paramedics do their thing while he sits there in fear, watching Dick's chest rise and fall with his breathing. He's alive. He needs to stay alive.

Then he's left there to his own devices once they get to the hospital, and Jason doesn't know what to do. He should call Rachel, tell them to get over here, but he's scared. He did this. He fucking did this. How can he call them and tell them what happened? How can he face them now, when he was already scared of facing them even before this happened? He can feel himself spiraling, pacing back and forth, with the nurses at the desk starting to look at him worriedly.

He wipes at his eyes and makes a decision, stepping outside the ER doors to catch his breath and let the cold air hit his face so he can somehow pull it together- and then he calls Rachel. ]